Let it Snow

Today is Saturday, Nov 22nd and it is snowing. I love snow. It comforts me. It gives me hope. It is as if a clean white blanket fell from heaven and covered the death and decay of the late autumn season. I, too, need a clean white blanket to fall on me. Two days ago, we met with the surgeon, Dr. Patricia Bryden. She spent 1 1/2 hours with us, explaining all my options. I never thought I would ever be in this place in my life -- having to make such decisions about my body in order to save my life. My husband and daughter deliberated -- what should I do? Dr. Bryden said, "do what is in your heart. Don't decide today; you have until Monday." I filled out the paperwork for surgery and we came home to a house full of people. We had a Bible study and a birthday party for Doug -- his 53rd birthday. Not the birthday present I wanted to give him -- but hey, this is life. Raw and real. And God is here with me -- He will never leave me or forsake me.

I awoke Friday and said to Natalie, "Let's go shopping." When all else fails, shop. At least for that day. I needed to get out of the house and do something normal. So we did Christmas shopping. Took baby Aiden and shopped. All through the day, the decision loomed over my head like an alien being, trying to make me afraid. I pushed it away. I prayed. God will show me what to do. I know He will. I guess I already knew. I knew before I went to the surgeon. But I didn't want to admit it, because in admitting it, it becomes even more real. It wasn't until 12:30 Friday night that I accepted it -- I will have a radical mastectomy. And after that, deal with what comes next. Chemotherapy is on the slate for me -- I have faith that God will get me through that as well, even though I do not want the 'cup of chemo' - I'm asking my friends to pray that I will not have to have it. Yet the doctor said because of the size of the mass (2.4 cm) and my young age, that I will probably have to have it. But you know? God IS bigger than what medical science says. He created medical science. And miracles still happen.

I will have my surgery on Wednesday, December 3rd. Perhaps on Friday next if there is O.R. time, but for sure the following Wednesday. I will be discharged the same day and ExtraMural will come to the house to care for me. Pray that there is no cancer in the lymph nodes, as that is another operation and radiation.

So here I am on this snowy day, writing about cancer. We were just watching a show about fly fishing on TV. I remarked to Doug that I wouldn't mind fly fishing as I love being outdoors. As the show neared commercial break, a woman with breast cancer spoke about a recovery program for breast cancer patients where they learn how to fly fish (www.castingforrecovery.com). Wow. I guess I'll take up fishing. when all else fails, fish.

To God be the glory................deb