Deb's Paraphrase of Proverbs 31

I preached yesterday at Morning Gate Church, and started off with my version of the Proverbs 31 Lady. Hope you enjoy...

The VIRTUOUS WIFE
Deb’s Paraphrase

Who can find a good wife?
For she is worth far more than any diamond ring that a man might choose to shower upon her as a surprise some day

His heart swells up like the Grinch’s when he thinks of her;
So he will have great success in his life.

She always looks out for his best interests and never treats him bad, all the days of her life.

She looks for nice clothing, because she’s worth it,
And sometimes she buys material and whips up a garment in the middle of the night or builds a sundeck just because she can.

She is loves to shop, especially at the Superstore, and stocks her pantry with flair and care;

She rises while it is daylight and makes meals for her husband and family when she has time. She is a friend of Wendy, and takes her family and friends there every chance she gets
She considers a car and buys it to travel the countryside;
From her vast earnings she buys many a book for her library and an occasional lyre or guitar
She lifts weights to make her arms strong and shows off her muscles to her husband and anyone who will look
She knows that her merchandise is good, she bought the extended warranty
She works tirelessly day and night and knows that her work is NEVER done
She extends her hand to the poor and helps the down and outers
She is not afraid of snow, because her husband has a new snowblower and he is not afraid to use it;
She dressed him in a red snowsuit lined with fleece for the occasion
She orders bedspreads from Sears and buys beautiful garments of fine linen and purple because she’s worth it, and purple is IN right now;
Her husband is well known at the community market, where he goes on Saturday to buy a buffalo burger
She makes music and laughter and sells them, and supplies comfort for the people
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She opens her mouth and out comes a quip of wisdom, a dash of instruction
She watches over her house like a Mama Bear and over her baby bear cubs, and does not sleep in the bear lair all day
Her cubs arise and call her “BLESSED MA-MA!”
Her hubby also, and he thanks her and sings her praises everywhere he goes
He says about her, “Many women do noble things, but you, my darling, surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting,
But a woman who loves the Lord is to be praised
Give her the reward she has earned,
And let her works bring her praise in whatever city she’s in!