The ‘Rest’ of the Story

This is a rather long post, but it’s the rest of the story from yesterday and today. I’ll start with yesterday -- Inauguration Tuesday. An historic moment in our world, as the first African-American was sworn in as President of the United States. A sense of excitement about the day overshadowed any visit I could have with any radiation oncologist. A sense of hope was in the air all over the world. And it was with me. Just another day in paradise. Got up at 5:45 a.m., and we left the house at 6:45. Had a fun trip down with much bantering with the travel director and arguing with the GPS (not that we don’t know where we’re going; we just like to fight with the non-woman). I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I just speak out whatever I’m thinking to Doug. I’m bold and funny, but it can be taken the wrong way, and I have to remind him that I’m teasing, but later on in the day I realized it’s my way of dealing with the ‘stress’ of this new ‘career’ I’m in – health and wellness and all the visits, pin pricks, tests, drugs, people, doctors, hospitals, etc. I take it out on him a bit – perhaps criticizing his driving or something like that. (He is an awesome driver, BTW, having been a truck driver for years). We laughed quite a bit – we’ve been through a lot, and if we get through this – NO, we WILL get through this – with a sense of humour and with extreme love for each other. He is my sounding board and he has strong shoulders.

Arrived a few minutes late for our appointment, after trying to orient to the new entrance at the Saint John Regional. The girl at the registration desk asked if I was married. I replied, “Yes, right now that is,” and looked at Doug…. We got her laughing. If we survive this….Yes, we will and YES WE CAN! We’ve been through too much in our life to go back now. It’s too late to turn back now – I believe, I believe, I believe I’m fallin’ in love. (Who can guess that song and what year?)

So on to the radiation oncology unit to meet Dr. Nancy Grant. A sign on the wall greeted me with: I can be changed by what happens to me, but I don’t have to be reduced by it. YES I CAN be changed, and I WILL NOT be reduced (other than weight, which is OK with me). Then, later in the examining room while waiting to be examined (AGAIN): We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope (Martin Luther King, Jr.). Yes, I HAVE accepted finite disappointment, but I HAVE NOT lost my hope – my eternal hope. Thanks, Martin Luther King Jr.

You know, doctors are realists. They tell you everything that “might” occur. The doctor went over my tests, prognosis, every side effect known to man for radiation, stage of the cancer, recurrence rate, etc. etc. til I just didn’t want to listen anymore. But doctors have to tell you everything so that you have informed consent and they are not liable, I guess. I just don’t want to hear anymore negative stuff – I just want to get on with treatment and be a long-term survivor. It’s like I’ve shut myself off from what ‘may be’ – I know that God wants me to live, and I’m going to live.

After meeting with Dr. Grant, we went upstairs to 5BSouth, which is the hostel within the hospital. We had a tour and talked to the clerk there about the possibility of me staying there in June when I get radiation. Our original plan was to take the motorhome and stay in St. Martins and travel to Saint John each day for treatment, but we decided that I will stay at the hospital and Doug will work. That way, he can take the whole month of July off and we can use the RV as our vacation. Linda from Century Farm, if you’re reading the blog from your sunny place in Florida, I want to reserve a couple of weeks in July – the front lot with the ocean view that everyone fights over. I love the Village of St. Martins. I even have a library card!

At 9:50 AM we were done and ready to leave for Fredericton. You want fries with that? I was craving Wendy’s, so we programmed the GPS to find the closest Wendy’s, which just happened to be at the end of the street! Doug questioned me: “Do you really want fries at 10 in the morning?” “Oh, I suppose it’s too early – let’s go to the Wendy’s at Simms Corner.” So we programmed the GPS again (even though we knew how to get there; we just like to argue with the GPS and defy its instructions), and drove by Wendy’s after I said it was too busy there, I wanted to go to McDonald’s for fries. It is a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. By this time I’m still having one of my many hot flashes that day, plus nausea because my blood sugar was wacky. I have already scarfed down a gluten-free donut and a plum after coming out of the hospital, but still need more to eat! Chemo does strange things to your body, I’ve come to find out. One of them is strange cravings at strange times of the day. Like cold green beans and Brussels sprouts at midnight.

So we go in to McDonald’s at 10:15 or so, me with no coat and short sleeve shirt, PICC line hanging out, hospital bracelet still on. “My wife wants fries,” Doug orders (I have retreated to the bathroom). The cashier looks at the manager – “he wants fries.” The manager hesitates for a moment, then, “Yes, I can put a batch on for you.” The cashier looks at Doug with bewilderment – “You must be something special for him to put fries on an hour and a half before he normally would.” I come out of the washroom and order apple juice, another strange thing for me to order. We sit down and read the paper, waiting for the fries to come to our table. By the time I’m finished the fries, I’ve had Doug up three or four times for salt, pepper, more ketchup, more apple juice (which I voraciously swilled). What a man. What a servant. What he has to put up with, I said to the man behind me who just smiled. Doug said that men always have to put up with women. You know, a couple of weeks ago, the dietician told me to eat whatever I wanted, even if it was fries. So, I had no guilt in eating fries at 10:30 in the morning. I knew God had provided manna for my morning in the form of fries. I would have eaten another order, but felt it was excess, so contained myself. Must not be greedy or gluttonous.

Chicken Run… On to Fredericton, feeling I might be filled up and not have to eat again til noon (although I think I had three clementines on the way). We drive in silence as Doug thinks and I do a word search from the paper. We arrive at Mom & Dad’s just in time to watch the inauguration with them, but by this time, I’m hungry again with that nauseated feeling. “Doug – can you bring me some chicken?” He brings me a couple of huge pieces of chicken and I eat them like a cavewoman would. Chicken and inauguration. I’m normally not a meat person, but lately I feel like I’m on the Survivor show. Gimme the meat! I guess protein is good for someone on chemo. I scared Mom today in the kitchen by suddenly blurting out, “MOM!” “What?” “I want you to make me one of your great hamburgers and I could have it on a toasted English muffin!” She laughed and agreed. I’m going to ask her to make it for tomorrow night’s supper. I’m looking forward to it. I never really looked forward to food before; it was just a means to an end or something. Anyway, then I had a banana with peanut butter on it, which again is strange for me to eat together. And clementines.

We made it home after 2 pm, and I really need a nap. I go to bed but cannot shut my mind off, so to the couch to watch more of the day in Washington. About 4 o’clock I get hungry again. “Doug, can you take out the Pad Thai from the freezer.” Done and thawing. “Well, I need to have a chicken sandwich,” because I didn’t really have a sandwich at lunch (3 hours ago). So, great big English Muffin chicken sandwich with mayo and cheese. But Doug is hungry, so I said, “put a cookie sheet of those frozen fries in the oven.” Done. So, more chicken and then a dinner-size plate of fries again! Want fries with that? Chicken? Aren’t you getting sick of these foods today? Isn’t it bordering on insanity?

I roll off the couch and go to church to play the piano. I am so tired and sigh throughout the evening, so much so that everyone in the church can hear me yawning and sighing. Might have something to do with all the FOOD I have consumed! We come home to be greeted with various boxes of puzzles and a container of spare ribs. No note was left, so I’m not sure who made these tasty morsels. Does anyone know? Puzzles and spareribs. If I hadn’t been so full, I would have consumed them as well. I stayed up for awhile and then ate some more – toast and cheese at midnight, before going upstairs to bed. Help me Rhonda, I can’t get into bed, I’m so full.

What a day – too many fries and too much chicken. Tomorrow will be better.

Well, today I didn’t have any fries, but did have chicken in two forms – eggs for breakfast and chicken stew that S. made for supper. You just can’t get away from chicken, I find. It’s everywhere.

Mom came up after 10 and found me not dressed, as usual. She brought a box with her because she thought perhaps I would like to take my tree down and she was willing to help. “Oh, Mom, not yet! I love it so much. OK, you can just take off the ornaments, but leave the ribbons and the beads.” She laughed and complied while I tried to get ready for the day. We went for a brisk Winter Wonderland walk and stopped in to Cuz C’s to see if she was the sparerib chef. No, not her and she didn’t see anyone drop off puzzles and spareribs in the evening. It’s a mystery. I have received several mystery gifts over the past couple of months – perhaps it’s the same person. The mystery gift giver – perhaps it’s Mysterio Man! I bet it is! (Only a select few will know what this means).

Back for lunch – chicken and tomato sandwiches and homemade applesauce. I’m in love with food this week – last week I was NOT in love with food, not sure why. I’m also in love with life and in love with my husband, even though he may not think so by times. Mom & I got the watercolour paints and pencils out, and I went to work at my OT project for the day. She gave me some pointers, and I spent the rest of the afternoon working on a painting of a hinge. Yes, a hinge. But a difficult hinge. You have to see it in order to understand. Perhaps when it’s finished, I’ll post my artwork. I really can paint, I’m just in the early stages.

The OT Director came by and used our area to get in her exercise for the day – cross country skiing. I should charge her land rent. Then she decided to make me a snowman, using a garbage can and pails of water. It’s outside my window. I love snowmen. We took pictures with it. I think I’ll call it Frosty, not sure why. My activity was to arrange his body parts, purchased by Natalie in December. Thanks, OT Director – he makes me happy. We’re thinking of doing some drive-by snowman building on people’s lawns. Stay tuned.





I continued to paint in the warm hues of my summer kitchen. A. dropped by to get some music from my office for a church service. S. came by with supper and to watch me trim up flower arrangements. Doug came home and we ate again. And that’s my two days. Sorry for the length, but hey, I feel like writing today. Now we’re going to watch some form of television. Tomorrow, perhaps I’ll get some work done on the books, and then have a respite in the afternoon for the day’s craft. Perhaps start a wall quilt, or make some cards that I will send out in later months. You’ll probably get one, so be on the lookout for DebMacCreations2009. I’m sure I’ll be contacted by Hallmark or American Greetings soon.

Happiness quite unshared can scarcely be called happiness; it has no taste. --- Charlotte Bronte

You have food to eat, but not enough to fill you up. Haggai 1:6b
You got that right….