Is it only Wednesday?

What a day. Woke up at 9 to find that daughter Natalie had taken grandson Aiden to his other grandmother’s for the day and overnight. Made some toast, eggs and coffee by myself. Felt good to be able to do this. Watched Beth Moore on Life Today; she talked about the gifts that God has placed inside us, and to fan them into flame. Funny, I forgot about my ‘gifts.’ I wondered if I’ll remember what they are and if I’ll be able to do them when I feel better. She also said that everything that happens to you is the ‘permissive will’ of God. Hmmm….think on that.

I am tired today, with radiating pain and numbness in my chest and underarm. Natalie came home after 10, then my aunt and uncle visited for a couple of hours. We had a great visit, reminiscing about the old days. Family is so important; that’s why they came. I loved having them come to see me.

I had my first shower since the surgery. I was a bit scared to have one, I'll have to admit. I thought the water would hurt my scarred sites. But I was pleasantly surprised, the water felt so wonderful. "Thank you, Jesus, for a shower." I luxuriated in the beauty of it. Wore me out a bit, however. Natalie stood guard downstairs in case I called for her.

Natalie prepared a great lunch for me. Doris dropped in and made me peanut butter cookies (I was craving them). We had tea and cookies. I tried to do my ‘lifting the arm’ exercises, but it wore me out, so I stretched out in the chair for a nap, but couldn’t nap. Too tired to nap. I’m tired of taking pain medication. I wanted to go outside for a short walk around the yard, but didn’t do that today. Maybe tomorrow.

I registered online at www.castingforrecovery.com, a fly fishing retreat for breast cancer survivors. Hopefully I’ll get picked and get to go on a weekend retreat this year. It’s a free retreat. They teach you how to fly fish and supply all the gear, everything. Something different to look forward to. I love the outdoors. When all else fails, fish. My father loves to fish, so something we could do together later.

I participated in an online survey at Dalhousie University on breast cancer as well. Might as well get involved and do what I can to help find a cure. I have spent much time today researching and reading materials online; I am tired of the mass of information, so thought it must be time to blog. The mind can only take so much, especially such 'hard' stuff.

I realized this morning that my life has been like driving 100 km/hour (although my friend begged to differ with me, saying it was more like 180 km/hr). These past few days, I am able to drive only 50 km/hour – a much slower pace, highly unusual for me, and a bit annoying at times; like when you get behind a slow driver and want to get to your destination, but can't pass. I have plans to do emails and read books, but haven’t the energy to do much of anything. I need to lower my expectations this week, and am trying to do that. I guess tomorrow will be better.

Receiving many cards, flowers and food -- Doug says he'll have to go on a diet. Linda brought some beautiful pink flowers tonight. I love flowers -- they are so beautiful, like I want my life to be.

I still can’t talk too much about what’s going on in my heart – I don’t want to cry (too much). I know that I am to be still and KNOW that God is God, and my life is definitely in His hand. He won’t give me any more than I can handle.
The verses that touched me today are:

Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. (Phil 1:12)

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. (Phil 1:18-19)

I eagerly expect and HOPE that I will in NO way be ASHAMED, but will have sufficient COURAGE so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to LIVE is Christ and to DIE is gain. (Phil 1:20-21).