The News

We met with Dr. B., my surgeon, this afternoon. She's the greatest. She told us news we definitely did not want to hear. Here it is:

• Tomorrow morning, I will go to the hospital to have my surgery site drained, as the fluid has not drained properly, and another pressure bandage will be applied. This explains all the pain I have been having
  
• The pathology showed that the tumour was 1 cm larger than previously thought. She thought it was 2.4 cm, but it was 3.5 cm, more aggressive than they thought
  
• Of 9 lymph nodes removed during surgery, 8 had cancer in them, surprising to us all. We couldn't believe this – "Are you sure this is my report?" I asked.
  
• I will be meeting with Dr. B again next week to check my surgery site
  
• Dr. B. has been in touch with Dr. R., the oncologist, and they devised a plan to get my treatment going as soon as possible
  
• I will undergo nuclear scans and tests this month to prepare me for chemotherapy
  
• I will meet with the oncologist as soon as possible
  
• Treatment will be aggressive chemotherapy for four months (5-6 treatments) starting in January, followed by radiation therapy in Saint John for a month. Dr. B. said I would need nine months to recover properly
  
• She said I can't work, due to the intensity of the treatment. I am very disappointed.
  

  
   

  Doug, Natalie and I were dumbfounded. I looked at them after Dr. B. left the room, and said, "God is still God." We came home. Natalie went to get Baby Aiden at Wendy & Dave's house (Josh's parents); Doug worked on the furnace problems he's been having in our house today; and I went for an hour + walk, talking to God the whole time, just like you'd talk to your good friend (because He is my good friend). When all else fails, walk – walk and pray. Walk until you're done walking. I'm going to be doing a lot of walking in the next few weeks, just like Forest Gump.
  

  I asked Him for strength, for peace, for no fear, for no sickness, all those things. I asked Him questions, but received no answers. I definitely need strength to go through this; I don't want to go through it, but what choice do I have? I cried a little bit, and placed my life in His hands – my life is His, not mine. Then I thanked God and I praised Him – I need to praise Him in this storm, I have to – what choice do I have? I don't know what to do. But He knows the plans He has for me – plans to prosper me and not harm me. I am God's child – Daddy's brave little girl.
  

  My mother drove by me while I was walking and crying. She stopped; I got in her car; she held me and cried with me; brought me home and fed me some supper. D. came, then many friends who had heard and felt called to come and sit with us. We are blessed. And many phone calls from those who love us, and whom we love dearly. We are blessed. What would we do without all of you who are praying and supporting us, and helping to carry this burden?
  

  I need to remember that God is in control, and that with God all things are possible.
  

  When we win, we praise Him; when we lose, we still praise Him. (Facing the Giants movie). I'm going to beat this cursed disease of cancer; He will help me; YOU will help me with your prayers and support. You will help us – our whole family, and for that we are truly grateful.
  

  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, give thanks….even this. I read this tonight again in Phil. 4, and said, "Thank you" to God – He said to give thanks in everything.
  

I glanced at myself in the mirror tonight and what came to my mind was a picture of Mary Tyler Moore. I used to love watching that show, and the song that they would sing at the end of the show. Remember how it went? "You're gonna make it after all." I want to see if I can order a season of that show, just so I can watch the ending of each episode.

I'm going to get myself a tam, and throw my tam into the air, just like Mary Tyler Moore did. Mary made it. Deb is going to make it – after all. Praise God.