Ch of Saint John came yesterday and stayed overnight. My other name for her is Nurse Cherry (she is a nurse). It was good to have her here, even though I went to sleep on her while she read me portions of a book (a book about rest, ironically). Last evening, L and S came over for conversation and ice cream bars. We laughed a bit, and pondered life in general. I love having people in my home. Makes me feel somewhat normal. Jonathan called late last evening and read me poetry on the phone that he and his buddies had written. Deep and funny – it cheered me up. I had a hard day yesterday. Waves of sadness came over me and I fought them with tears, prayer and a little help from my husband and friends. "When one falls down, the other lifts him up," the Bible says. So true. Every time I get down, God sends someone or something to cheer me. And He did again. People, cards, gifts of money, notes, a son's phone call, a daughter's phone call, a friend's words, touch, Scripture. He provides everything I need.

This morning we did some more reading, sharing and tears. We were at the "Soul Cafe," the name I call this house. Even wrote some things on stickies for me to post around the house. Things like "I'm still alive" and "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus," and "Keep your skyward look my soul." I think I should plaster the inside of the house with Scripture and encouraging words, to remind myself to hope when I am feeling low. My sister Brenda called me the other night with this word, "Steadfast." I told her that the word was like perseverance, and that I think I'm learning to persevere. She told me I was steadfast. Thanks, sis. My friend Colleen emailed from Florida to say this: "See the trial as God's gift to you; see it as the very means to conform you to the image of God's son. Be holy for I am holy." Wow. Isn't it hard to realize a trial as God's gift? To embrace problems? Change my heart, O God. Conform me.

The theme of the past two days seems to be disappointment. We talked and shared and prayed, giving God thanks for His benefits and care. S. came over for lunch. More conversation, and then Nurse Cherry and I drove up to Janet's. More tea and sweets, more conversation about life's disappointments and how we get through them. We all support one another as we encounter the pain and trials of life. All of us struggle with something in our life at one point or another. But we must look skyward, and never get so low that we don't look up. Like an eagle that soars but never soars too low to get caught in the valley.

I've been thinking that if I could go back and do my life all over again that I would do it differently – take more time to relax, spend more quality time enjoying my children, be less stressed and have no guilt. If I could take the wisdom and experience I have gained now and use it when I was young….wow. But that's not how life is structured, is it?

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us" (Rom 5:3-5).

I figure that I'm in the 'character' building stage of that Scripture. I think I'm persevering through this suffering and that God is building my character. The next stage is hope. I see a glimmer of hope each day for the future. Thank you Lord, for providing a glimmer today. Hope does not disappoint us. Now for a late afternoon walk in the sun with my beautiful husband, and share our day and our thoughts with each other.