Chemo #5

At 9:00 a.m. the nurse was waiting for me in the oncology unit. My ANC neutrophil count was 3.63 so we started chemo #5 (the minimum required is 1.5). Doug and I settled down in the chairs as I awaited the saline drip and then the toxic drip. Janet White #1 arrived to be there with us as well. She said she was going to bring the quilt, but didn't think I wanted it to be on the oncology unit. I asked her if she actually quilted on it. "No, not yet," she replied – something about not being able to sleep on Saturday night. That's good, because I would like straight lines of quilting from an alert person. I told her we'll have to make a quilt date so Natalie can come and see her quilt, since she doesn't seem to want to give it up! Oh Janet, gotta love you.

One side effect of receiving chemotherapy is what's called chemo brain. You insert words for other words. You know what you want to say and perhaps even can think of the word, but cannot say the correct word when it comes out of your mouth. Very frustrating. While getting my chemo, I decided to call Able Orthotics to get an appointment for insoles/inserts for my shoes. Except my brain didn't come up with the right word and because I'm so focused on the upper part of my body of late, if you know what I mean, I said this: "Hello, this is Deborah MacDonald. I have a prescription to get implants for my feet. She said, "Can I put you on hold for a moment?" Doug laughed so hard that he began to choke. I glared at him and asked, "That wasn't the right word was it?" (I guess I should have said "insole?"). The secretary came back on the line and asked if I was OK. "Oh, that's just my husband coughing." (I wanted to say, if you only knew what I have to put up with. And he's going to tell this one all over town. And he will, and he started soon after that). I have an appointment next week for my feet, not the upper part of my body. I hope I remember to go – I have to take two pairs of shoes and a pair of pants that I can roll up over my knees. So much to remember as I undertake this renovation of my body parts.

After the chemo, I drove to the Superstore in my car – by myself. This is the first time I've driven myself home after a treatment. I was amazed at myself for some reason. Even though I was dizzy from the treatment. Dizzy Deb. "Wow, I just had chemo and now I'm pretending it's just an ordinary day in paradise." I think the steroids I'm on give me great strength and energy, because that's what I had today. I figured I could try out for major league baseball with the energy I had. I shopped for groceries, came home and put them away, unloaded the dishwasher, prepared a roast, carrots, potatoes, squash and peas for dinner, whipped up a banana bread, swept the floors, decluttered, cleaned the bathroom, washed and dried pots and pans, emailed a recipe, went for a walk to the mailbox at York Manor, stopped and talked to Brandon, a grade 11 student who lives on our street (we talked about my 'condition'),and then ended up running to the mailbox as the mail truck had just arrived, and I needed my mail to go out today. Then I went for another walk up the street.

Natalie and Aiden came into the kitchen about 5:45 pm. We hugged and kissed and she stroked my bald head for the first time. I kissed Aiden. "I'm so glad you're home," I said. Natalie was wearing a pink cap that Amy from The Pas had purchased for Team Dancing Queen for the Run for the Cure in October. She sent one home for me. Now we're twins. Thanks, Amy. I loved your card as well – you are a sweetie. Natalie has such a great support network in The Pas. I am so comforted by that fact – that they take care of her and embraced her the moment she arrived in town. I met her friends last year this time when we traveled there.

We had dinner and I got to feed Aiden. He warmed up to us very quickly, which was quite amazing (although I actually prayed about that today). After dinner, we went upstairs and I entertained Aiden while Natalie unloaded her suitcases. Then she had to tear strips of material and wind them around the top railings of the crib we borrowed from Janet White. Aiden is like a beaver in bed and likes to chew his crib. But he's a cute beaver.

Then Janette and Tara came to visit for a couple of hours. We sat at the table and laughed, ate chocolate and fudge, then gravitated to the living room for conversation. Natalie put Aiden in his crib and he went out like a light. Let's pray that he stays asleep for the night. Natalie went to bed at 10:30, and I invited Tara and Janette to watch Corner Gas with us, since they wanted to see it. So, we thought we would pop popcorn. Easier said than done. After some struggles with Janette climbing on my counter to retrieve the popcorn box out of the top cupboard, and then trying to put the popcorn in the microwave that is nearer the ceiling than the floor (it's on top of the fridge), and not having it pop correctly, opening it and having hot kernels fly everywhere, trying to pick the hot little things off the floor so Aiden wouldn't put them in his mouth in the morning, we finally succeeded to produce three bowls of popcorn, and settled down to watch the show. Things are not always easy here, but we succeeded.

They left at 11 pm and now I am writing. Doug just went to bed. It's been a good day. I know this energy won't last. It's the steroid. I'm on it one more day. I did take the anti-seizure drug on Sunday, so I hope that when Wednesday arrives it will curb the shooting pains that I had in my body during the last treatment. The doctor told me that when you come off a steroid you 'crash,' and your mood drops. Now I understand why I felt so terrible that week of chemo #4. At least now I have an explanation and it may be easier to bear, knowing it's just a reaction of coming off a drug. So much to learn. But this day was a good day. I hope this treatment is better than the last. They say that with each treatment you become more and more tired. I have definitely noticed that – a deep tiredness that comes and goes throughout the day, and I just have to sit or lie down. I definitely did not pace myself today. I need to be more aware of this tomorrow.

I just heard on the news that probiotics are good for the gut, but also for the brain and for depression and chronic pain. I think I'll go have a blackberry blueberry prebiotic probiotic yogurt that I bought today, and call it a day. A good day.