Broken and Beautiful

I'm listening to another song -- "Broken & Beautiful" by Mark Schultz. You can hear it on YouTube. One of the struggles with mastectomy is coming to terms with what your body is going to look like -- to yourself and to your husband. We have talked much about this. I will be broken, but beautiful. I am broken, but still beautiful in the eyes of God. He loves me. My husband loves me.

This morning I gave my breast to God -- it is His, so He can have it. He created me, so He knows what I'm going through. He won't give me more than I can bear. He is my burden bearer. I realize that I am grieving in these past two days; I have had time alone to think, reflect, pray and prepare myself mentally and spiritually. It's been hard to rest and I feel like I want to scream at times, or run a marathon, I don't know which. The ExtraMural nurse was here this morning to talk about mastectomy after-care. It turns out we know her, and Doug & I were so blessed to meet with her this morning.

My surgery is now scheduled for Friday morning (not Friday afternoon as previously scheduled). I will go to Nuclear Medicine on Thursday afternoon at 2:30 to have dye injections in preparation for the sentinel node biopsy which will happen along with the mastectomy on Friday. This is better -- one thing, one day at a time. At least I can wake up early Friday morning and go 'get er done,' as some of my friends like to say. I'm in my Day Box (Matthew 6:25-33).

deb