Broken and Beautiful

I'm listening to another song -- "Broken & Beautiful" by Mark Schultz. You can hear it on YouTube. One of the struggles with mastectomy is coming to terms with what your body is going to look like -- to yourself and to your husband. We have talked much about this. I will be broken, but beautiful. I am broken, but still beautiful in the eyes of God. He loves me. My husband loves me.

This morning I gave my breast to God -- it is His, so He can have it. He created me, so He knows what I'm going through. He won't give me more than I can bear. He is my burden bearer. I realize that I am grieving in these past two days; I have had time alone to think, reflect, pray and prepare myself mentally and spiritually. It's been hard to rest and I feel like I want to scream at times, or run a marathon, I don't know which. The ExtraMural nurse was here this morning to talk about mastectomy after-care. It turns out we know her, and Doug & I were so blessed to meet with her this morning.

My surgery is now scheduled for Friday morning (not Friday afternoon as previously scheduled). I will go to Nuclear Medicine on Thursday afternoon at 2:30 to have dye injections in preparation for the sentinel node biopsy which will happen along with the mastectomy on Friday. This is better -- one thing, one day at a time. At least I can wake up early Friday morning and go 'get er done,' as some of my friends like to say. I'm in my Day Box (Matthew 6:25-33).

deb

YouTube - Casting Crowns Praise You In The Storm

YouTube - Casting Crowns Praise You In The Storm: "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw"

Bear with me -- one more song

You know, I've gone through SO many storms in my life, and have come through EVERY one of them. It's hard to be thankful to God during the 'storm', but if I can be thankful 'by faith' for them (including this one), I can look at them with a different perspective. Like Job did; he never blamed or cursed God for his trial, even though everything was taken from him -- for a time. And then God restored everything to him, with the last half of his life being better than the first. That's what I am claiming -- that the latter part of my life WILL be better than the first half. Remember, women can easily live to the age of 90. That means I'm only 4 years old right now.

more later....deb

Another Song I Love

This afternoon, I am alone, as Natalie and Aiden came down with colds and are staying at my mother's til they recover. So, I'm spending this time listening to music I love, and trying to putter at housework and paperwork. Not having much success, though. If I didn't have the Lord in my life, I don't know what I would do -- He alone is my reason for living. I can't do this without Him. He is indeed 'holding onto me,' as this song says. "In His arms I find rest, because He knows how far the east is from the west. From one scarred hand to the other." Or I could put it this way: "From one scarred hand to another scarred breast." He is with me.


YouTube - Casting Crowns - East to West:

Amazing Song I heard today

I heard this song today by Third Day and it really touched me. "I'm trying to find my way, I haven't got a clue... Tell me, should I stay here, or do I need to move....I've got nothing without you." Check it out.

YouTube - Third day, revelation

Yes, I'd like to order a ....

This morning started out with me calling the surgeon's answering machine and ordering a mastectomy, believe it or not. Like ordering a pizza or something. No big deal -- how much do I owe you? Then the office called back and told me that my surgery had been moved up to this Friday, Nov. 28th -- my heart started to pound, as I realized the day was near at hand. My mind started racing -- "Oh, I've got so much to take care of!" I calmed down after about an hour -- I received God's peace. Without God I cannot go through this. With God, I can do anything. He is my strong tower, my shelter, my rock. All the Scripture I have meditated on for years is now coming to mind. "Hide the word in your heart" the Bible says. I understand why now.

We took off to do errands (Natalie & Aiden & I). Nat & I had a few laughs in the mall, and ate Laura Secord chocolates. When all else fails, eat chocolate. Another one of my "when all else fails" sayings. I even got my passport picture taken, as I have to go south next year; well at least as far as New York City for my 50th birthday celebration. After I celebrated my 49th birthday in August, I made a new motto for my 50th year, my year of Jubilee -- "Fit at 50." Soon after that declaration, I found out this news of cancer. Yet I still hold on to the same motto -- I WILL be fit at 50, and I will go to New York City this time next year to celebrate one year of being cancer-free. Anyone want to join my bus tour?

I was prayed for today by a good friend while doing one of my errands, in a downtown store -- how precious that was -- I was so blessed and felt so encouraged. I came home and found that my mother had prepared dinner for us. We feel so loved, and appreciate every email, every card, every phone call, every act of kindness.

One thing I'm wondering is if anyone out there knows the song "Believe" and who sings it? I believe it's a country song -- I'd like to get my hands on it. It was on a commercial during this summer's Olympics. I have a "Believe" sign in my window, and received a "Believe" angel the other day. You know what? I believe.
I believe I will come through this, and I believe in my God.

More tomorrow...... deb

Let it Snow

Today is Saturday, Nov 22nd and it is snowing. I love snow. It comforts me. It gives me hope. It is as if a clean white blanket fell from heaven and covered the death and decay of the late autumn season. I, too, need a clean white blanket to fall on me. Two days ago, we met with the surgeon, Dr. Patricia Bryden. She spent 1 1/2 hours with us, explaining all my options. I never thought I would ever be in this place in my life -- having to make such decisions about my body in order to save my life. My husband and daughter deliberated -- what should I do? Dr. Bryden said, "do what is in your heart. Don't decide today; you have until Monday." I filled out the paperwork for surgery and we came home to a house full of people. We had a Bible study and a birthday party for Doug -- his 53rd birthday. Not the birthday present I wanted to give him -- but hey, this is life. Raw and real. And God is here with me -- He will never leave me or forsake me.

I awoke Friday and said to Natalie, "Let's go shopping." When all else fails, shop. At least for that day. I needed to get out of the house and do something normal. So we did Christmas shopping. Took baby Aiden and shopped. All through the day, the decision loomed over my head like an alien being, trying to make me afraid. I pushed it away. I prayed. God will show me what to do. I know He will. I guess I already knew. I knew before I went to the surgeon. But I didn't want to admit it, because in admitting it, it becomes even more real. It wasn't until 12:30 Friday night that I accepted it -- I will have a radical mastectomy. And after that, deal with what comes next. Chemotherapy is on the slate for me -- I have faith that God will get me through that as well, even though I do not want the 'cup of chemo' - I'm asking my friends to pray that I will not have to have it. Yet the doctor said because of the size of the mass (2.4 cm) and my young age, that I will probably have to have it. But you know? God IS bigger than what medical science says. He created medical science. And miracles still happen.

I will have my surgery on Wednesday, December 3rd. Perhaps on Friday next if there is O.R. time, but for sure the following Wednesday. I will be discharged the same day and ExtraMural will come to the house to care for me. Pray that there is no cancer in the lymph nodes, as that is another operation and radiation.

So here I am on this snowy day, writing about cancer. We were just watching a show about fly fishing on TV. I remarked to Doug that I wouldn't mind fly fishing as I love being outdoors. As the show neared commercial break, a woman with breast cancer spoke about a recovery program for breast cancer patients where they learn how to fly fish (www.castingforrecovery.com). Wow. I guess I'll take up fishing. when all else fails, fish.

To God be the glory................deb

Every Day is a Gift

Every day is a gift. The fact that we open our eyes in the morning means that God has given us another day on this earth. A gift -- even this day is a gift -- today is the day we go to meet with the surgeon to get the plan of action. I will not be afraid; I seek the help of God and I can feel the prayers of people interceding on my behalf.

The enemy of cancer is attacking my physical body, and I am helpless to do anything about it on my own, apart from resting in God and in His peace. He will fight the battle for me. 2 Chron 20:15-17 says that the battle is not mine, but God's. That I do not need to fight this battle, but to stand firm, hold my position, and see the Lord fight it for me. I am NOT to be afraid or dismayed, but to face the enemy that has invaded my body. God is with me and will fight for me; for us -- our family and friends. Our faith is truly being built -- faith in a God who is able to do so much more than we can ask or imagine. We WILL stand firm and see the deliverance of the Lord on this day.

"Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you....Believe in the Lord your God, and you will be established; believe his prophets, and you will succeed." 2 Chron 20:17,20

I am Blessed

I am blessed. I am blessed with family, children, grandchildren,friends, students, parents of students, acquaintances, business associates, ministry friends. I have been receiving SO much encouragement -- phone calls, emails, visits, gifts, meals, an outpouring from people everywhere. This has held me up this past week as I await an appointment with the surgeon this Thursday afternoon. Waiting is hard. The unknown is certainly that -- unknown. My daughter and grandson arrived home last week to stay with us until December 16th. I am blessed to have them in the house -- I am not lonely while waiting. Just their presence here comforts me. I am blessed to have people drop by and share their lives with me. I am blessed by all my students -- it keeps my mind off this 'thing' for a few minutes each lesson. Although I am a bit weary and struggling to rest, I am still blessed. I love having people in our home. I know that I am being called to a rest for a time. My daughter is trying to help me in this, but I think it takes awhile for me to slow down. I did watch a Christmas movie this afternoon and laughed. Laughter is good medicine. I love to laugh. Tonight a friend stopped by to give me and my daughter a pedicure, however, another friend arrived as well, and received a pedicure, along with my daughter. I taught another student. Babies, pedicures, students playing classical music. What could be better? God is good. Night.

The Day the Rock Fell

Monday, November 10, 2008. The day the 'rock' fell. The day I was given a diagnosis of breast cancer. Me? Are you sure? It's not possible! My husband told me and I doubled over and wept. Fear swept over me like a black cloud. We held each other and cried. "We'll get through it, Deb, we'll get through it." I felt sick to my stomach. We lay on the bed and I cried some more. I writhed and cried. What a terrible feeling. We sent out the word for prayer right away. The prayers went up and the peace began to come down. I sang, "The Lord is My Shepherd." We went to the doctor to hear the report. I prayed for strength -- Lord, you got me through many things in my life and You are faithful -- now, can I have more strength for this? I asked the question everyone asks in times like these: "Why me, Lord?" Just like the song says. This is my lifesong and my lifesong sings. God spoke to my heart, "so that I will be glorified."

That day was one of shock, tears, and fears. That night before bed, God spoke to my heart again -- "this sickness will not end in death." I knew it was a verse and looked it up. It is from John 11, where Jesus' good friend, Lazarus, is sick. His sisters send word to Jesus, because they know Jesus can heal him: "Jesus, the one you love is sick..." Look at the verse:

"When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it."

I couldn't believe it: the two statements God spoke to me are put together in this one verse. I knew it was a 'word' to hold on to. I wrote it down and think of it often. I will not die, but live, and live to praise the God who will allow me to keep on living.

I plan to write further posts about this new 'chapter' in my life -- the MIDDLE chapter. I think I'll call my book, "The Book of Deborah; Don't Worry, It's Not Part of the Apocrypha." Anyone want to order a copy?

The process begins.

We Fall Down

We fall down, we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus. We need to lay down our desires, our aspirations, so He can pick them up and do something with them.

God and Fog

I have been staying on Grand Manan Island for a week now. What a beautiful place that God has created. This morning, we walked up to the Look Out and did we look out! The ocean is so vast, it takes your breath away. Then the fog rolled in and now it is raining a pour, and I can't see the ocean anymore -- but I know it is out there. Just like God -- sometimes I can see Him, but other times the fog rolls in (problems or trials), and I can't see God so clearly. But I know He's there; I saw Him before the fog rolled in. Now I just have to wait 'til the fog lifts; the sun will come out again.

Ukulele Blues

My 11-year-old nephew recently purchased a ukulele (or should i say, "an ukulele?"). His name is Luke (interesting that Luke's name is embedded in the name of the instrument). It's a green ukulele, which is also an interesting colour for a ukulele. Oh well, I digress. Luke told the salesperson today when purchasing this unique instrument that I thought it wasn't really an instrument. (I actually own an instrument, but don't play it, preferring my guitar). After having tuned it for him and actually playing the wonderful instrument a few times (even composing a blues tune for my mother), I have decided to change my mind and publicly announce that the ukulele is now, in my mind, a unique instrument. Happy, Luke?

It's Summertime and the Livin' is Easy?

Is livin' easier in the summer? Seems like it should be. But we are still faced with the same issues, are we not? Bills to pay, places to go, people to see. Our routine changes -- we like it for a season, but when that season is over, we tend to welcome the routine -- work and then play. We are not meant to play all the time, which is the ideal of summertime livin'. Solomon says that we should find enjoyment in our work. We are created to work -- at something, whether that's raising a child, tending a house or building a house. Let's welcome the summer and enjoy a bit of reprieve from routine, but look forward to our schedule returning come fall. More later as I experience this summertime livin'.

Who I am in Christ

Want to know WHO you really are? Search these Scriptures and find yourself transformed by the power of the Word of God to us.

If you are IN Christ (that is, you BELIEVE in the only Son of God; that He died for your sins, rose from the dead, ascended to heaven and now reigns) , then every one of these statements is true of you:

You are loved -- 1 John 3:3
You are accepted -- Eph 1:6
You are a child of God -- John 1:12
You are Jesus' friend -- John 15:14
You are a joint heir WITH Jesus, and you share His inheritance with Him -- Rom 8:17
You are united with God and one spirit with Him -- 1 Cor 6:17
You are a temple of God. His spirit and his life lives in you -- 1 Cor 6:19
You are a member of Christ's body -- 1 Cor 12:27
You are a saint -- Eph 1:1
You are redeemed and forgiven -- Col 1:14
You are complete in Jesus Christ -- Col 2:10
You are free from condemnation -- Rom 8:1
You are a new creation because you are in Christ -- 2 Cor 5:17
You are chosen of God, holy and dearly loved -- Col 3:12
You are established, anointed, and sealed by God -- 2 Cor 1:21
You are full of love, power and a sound mind -- 2 Tim 1:7
You are God's co-worker -- 2 Cor 6:1
You are seated in heavenly places with Christ -- Eph 2:6
You are given the right to directly access God -- Eph 2:18
You are chosen to bear fruit -- John 15:16
You are one of God's living stones -- 1 Pet 2:5
You are blessed with great and precious promises of God and thus able to share His nature -- 2 Pet 1:4
You are able to know the presence of God because He never leaves you -- Heb 13:5
You are given the privilege of having God work in you -- Phil 2:13
You are able to ask God for wisdom an He will give you what you need -- James 1:5

P.H.A.T.

On Saturday, April 19, I spoke in the lovely seaside village of St. Martins. I LOVE going there. I could live there (although I want to live everywhere I go). My topic was how to be P.H.A.T. in a P.H.A.T. world. The world's definition of PHAT is this: "Pretty Hot and Tempting." I came up with this acronym for how we ARE as Christian women of God: "Pretty Holy and Threatening!" And that we are! Thanks be to Jesus for providing us the way to be PHAT!

Ask the Lord for What?

This morning while praying, I asked the Lord for these three things: His Protection, His Provision and His Peace. What more could I ask for?

Grandbaby #4 born!

Wednesday, March 26th, another grandbaby born into the MacDonald/DuBois clan. Our daughter, Natalie and husband Joshua, living in The Pas, Manitoba have received the precious gift of an 8 lb 5 oz baby boy! "Aiden Joshua" is his name. He is the now the eldest of how many children, Natalie? Time will tell! We are so excited for them, and can't wait to see them when we travel to Manitoba in April. Daddy Josh is now an RCMP officer, and they are living in their very first house....

Proud grandparents are, of course, Doug & Deb MacDonald and Dave & Wendy DuBois! God is so good!

New Baby born into the MacDonald Clan!

Well, today, on Monday, March 17, 2008 -- Saint Patrick's Day, a young Scottish lass was born into the MacDonald Clan. Daughter of Jonathan Alton Douglas and Alicia Dawn MacDonald, an 8 lb 11 oz doll baby...."Ivy Isabel MacDonald," a sister for Afton Natalie and Jack Gregory MacDonald.

Proud grandparents are Doug and Deb MacDonald and Greg and Nancy Bubar.

Clan Donald is flourishing!

The Gospel

"...If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For the Scripture says, 'Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.' For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek, for the same Lord over all is rich to all who call upon Him. For whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved." (Roman 10:9-13)

This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. There is no other true message but this one. May the world know.