A Bend in the Road

Sometimes we come to life's crossroads,

And we view what we think is the end

But God has a much wider vision

And he knows that it's only a bend –

The road will go on and get smoother

And after we've stopped for a rest,

The path that lies hidden beyond us

Is often the path that is best.

So rest and relax and grow stronger,

Let go and let God share your load

And have faith in a brighter tomorrow

You've just come to a bend in the road.

("A Bend in the Road," by David Jeremiah)

It's Now Been One Week

Well, it’s now been one week since my surgery. I can’t sleep, so I guess I’ll get up; too many thoughts running through my mind. “If you could read my mind, love…” Oh, right, You can read my mind.

Last night, I sat on the edge of the bed – “Why me, Lord? Why this?” He spoke to my heart: “Because I can trust you.” Me: “I’m not sure if I want to be trusted.”

Yesterday, S. gave me David Jeremiah’s book, “A Bend in the Road.” She wrote in the front, “Deb, this is for your bend in the road.” You got that right – a big bend.

Here I am in the chair again. “Good morning, chair,” I said to the old brown lazy-boy chair. Reminds me of the “quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” I used to type when I was learning how to type and had to practice those words over and over again to improve my accuracy. Now this old fox (my maiden name is ‘Fox,’ believe it or not) has to practice sitting in a chair – it gets old and repetitious after awhile, but I must learn how to sit and rest.

What was I doing this time last week? Hmmm, let’s see – sitting in Day Surgery waiting for a mastectomy, feeling God’s peace. Do I still feel it? Yes – for now, and I pray forever. I don’t want any more bad news, Lord. Reminds me of the movie we watched a couple of weeks ago, “Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events.” You know what? I’ve had just about enough – no, let me rephrase that – I’ve had ALL the bad news I want to receive in my lifetime. I won’t go into it – those are OTHER chapters in my book. I think I’ve had my fair share, but I could be wrong.

Now, perhaps I need to think differently – it’s just my perception of things. Could everything be turned into good news? I know that God works everything for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, and He has used the bad in my life for good, so….this will be, too.

Lord, take this cup from me, but not my will; Yours be done. Help me to cope. HOPE and COPE.

HOPE:
He
Offers
Promise
Everyday.

COPE:
Could He
Offer
Promise
Everyday? (Yes, He can)

Friends W. & J. gave me a HOPE hanging for my window. I just looked at it. Perhaps God is trying to tell me something.

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope. Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning, great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I hope in Him.’ (Lam. 3:21-24)

I think I’m supposed to have hope.

Wow

It's late on Dec. 4/08, and I'm doing some archiving of old blog entries. I just happened to see what I wrote on January 1, 2008, and was a bit astounded to read what I wrote at the first of the year.

Well, it's January 1, 2008. A year of new beginnings. "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters" (Gen 1:1,2).

This is the beginning of the new year. I pray that God will take my formless and empty shell and hover over it, creating new and wonderful things in this year of our Lord 2008. The year 2007 was certainly chock-full of surprises, and I am sure 2008 will be no different. Instead of making resolutions that I will ultimately break, my prayer is that Christ be formed in me. Can I go wrong there?

2008 is certainly shaping up to be a year of surprises, now isn't it?

'Oh, to be out west sitting on a hay bale again'

POSITIVE THOUGHTS

 

On my way to bed last night, I thought perhaps I should think of some positive aspects of being 'set aside' in this time of recuperation. So, today I came up with this list. I'm sure I will think of more as time goes on. If you think of any, please let me know.

Positive things that happen to one who is recovering from a mastectomy:

1. You get to stay in pajamas all day and no one cares, not even you. You wear them until you decide you want to wear clothes again, and it's OK.
   
2. You can lie down or sit in a chair all day, every day, and you don't feel guilty – and no one judges you for being lazy.
   
3. Relax – and feel the difference – Yes, quite a difference from my previous pace.
   
4. There is no "what next?" other than, "I must have lunch or dinner," or "I must have a shower," or "I must stretch out in the chair and have a nap," or "I must read," or "I must watch TV," or "I must go to bed now."
   
5. People wait on you – you feel like a queen or a celebrity, you're not sure which.
   
6. You receive many wonderful cards, emails, flowers and gifts.
   
7. You build up your stash of chocolate for those cold winter nights.
   
8. You realize how wonderful your family is (especially your daughter and mother who clean your house and tend to your needs).
   
9. You realize the value of friendship and how your friends wait on you, too (and encourage you, of course).
   
10. You have time to think of others and pray for them.
    
11. You can watch old movies and appreciate movies from your youth, like "Charlie Brown's Christmas" and "Rudolph."
    
12. You have time to write.
    
13. You have time to register for fly-fishing retreats for breast cancer survivors, an elite group of which I am now a member.
    
14. You can research new ideas and stay as long as you like on a topic.
    
15. Your house gets cleaned (even your oven), and you didn't lift a finger.
    
16. Your laundry room gets decluttered by your mother, whom you tell you will 'love forever' after she offers to clean it for you.
    
17. You decide you want the energy of your mother when you get to be her age (not that she's old, because she isn't), and vow to keep yourself healthy like she is.
    
18. Your good friend D. goes to the deep woods and gathers branches and makes a Christmas arrangement for your verandah, and buys you the word "Angel" at the Dollar Store.
    
19. You can dance to "Dancing Queen" by Abba (albeit a limited dance due to your limited ability), and perform it for your friends. (It is on video, for limited release only. Send your requests to view via email). You keep the Abba CD playing all day long, as it takes you back to the time when you really were a dancing queen and could really dance.
    
20. You can listen to great music all day and do nothing but listen. Music that brings back memories of your teenage years when you were carefree and full of hope for the future.
    
21. You can watch your friends dance to "Dancing Queen" and see your daughter imitate your dancing (the 'Mom' dance, she calls it).
    
22. You receive beautiful new work-out clothing and bath stuff from your ministry partners.
    
23. You eat wonderful meals and never make a one of them.
    
24. You realize that playing the guitar may just become a whole lot easier.
    
25. You recognize that you have just completed one week of recuperation, and you feel better than you did one week ago.
    

Enough? Yes, enough for now.

Deb

X0

 

Psalm 23

I love Psalm 23. Most people do. I have held on to its truths and quoted it often over the past three weeks, especially, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil…" I had the words of Keith Green's The Lord is My Shepherd going through my head the day of surgery. So, when I received an email last week from my friend, Linda H., I asked her if I could post it on my blogspot. Here it is…

"A few years ago as I was reading Psalm 23 one morning, I was 'nudged' to write it in my own words - here it is - for you - on this day of days.

Psalm 23 ... in my own words:

 'LORD, You and You only, are my Shepherd.  I am Your lamb.  I lack
 nothing for I have ALL I need in You.

 From the soft, cool moss of green pastures, You make my bed of rest ...
 and You tuck me in.

 You take me by the hand and bring me to places of cool streams of
 quiet waters, and in those places, You restore my weary, battered soul.

 I fear no evil when I walk through death's dark valley.  Why?  Because
 You are right there with me!  I am not alone.

 Your Shepherd's rod and staff bring comfort to me because I know You
 use them to protect me.  With the rod, You defend me from the evil one;
 with Your staff, You keep me from wandering into dangerous places.

 Even when I am surrounded by my enemies - whether they be people or
 circumstances - You nurture me at Your Table of Grace - right in front of
 them.  The noise of my enemies grows muffled and distant as you
 lovingly pour your oil over me - I am anointed from head to toe by You!
 Your Joy! wells up within me and spills out all around me!  It cannot be
 contained!

 I can never outrun or outdistance Your goodness and love for they
 follow me wherever I am - whether in my temporary earthly dwelling or
 in Your eternal heavenly Home.  You are forever with me - and I with
 You!'

Deb, there's no question that cancer is indeed an enemy.  But we have a place at the LORD's Table of Grace right in the midst of it all.  May YAHWEH, Jehovah God, shush this enemy; may the noise of it grow muffled and distant as He lovingly pours His oil over you and anoints you from head to toe.  May you know deep within your soul His Joy because you know you belong to Him.  You are the LORD's, Deb, and nothing - absolutely NOTHING - can separate you from His love for you!

May your grip on His Grace be strengthened today knowing that soooo many people are bombarding God's Throne with prayers on your behalf.  We are wrapping our hands around yours adding our grip to yours.  Be strengthened by Him and this great cloud of witnesses!  He will give you the courage you need for this.  I am praying that God will usher you in the to zone ... the Peace Zone.

Lovingly,
Lin  :')  oxo

 

Is it only Wednesday?

What a day. Woke up at 9 to find that daughter Natalie had taken grandson Aiden to his other grandmother’s for the day and overnight. Made some toast, eggs and coffee by myself. Felt good to be able to do this. Watched Beth Moore on Life Today; she talked about the gifts that God has placed inside us, and to fan them into flame. Funny, I forgot about my ‘gifts.’ I wondered if I’ll remember what they are and if I’ll be able to do them when I feel better. She also said that everything that happens to you is the ‘permissive will’ of God. Hmmm….think on that.

I am tired today, with radiating pain and numbness in my chest and underarm. Natalie came home after 10, then my aunt and uncle visited for a couple of hours. We had a great visit, reminiscing about the old days. Family is so important; that’s why they came. I loved having them come to see me.

I had my first shower since the surgery. I was a bit scared to have one, I'll have to admit. I thought the water would hurt my scarred sites. But I was pleasantly surprised, the water felt so wonderful. "Thank you, Jesus, for a shower." I luxuriated in the beauty of it. Wore me out a bit, however. Natalie stood guard downstairs in case I called for her.

Natalie prepared a great lunch for me. Doris dropped in and made me peanut butter cookies (I was craving them). We had tea and cookies. I tried to do my ‘lifting the arm’ exercises, but it wore me out, so I stretched out in the chair for a nap, but couldn’t nap. Too tired to nap. I’m tired of taking pain medication. I wanted to go outside for a short walk around the yard, but didn’t do that today. Maybe tomorrow.

I registered online at www.castingforrecovery.com, a fly fishing retreat for breast cancer survivors. Hopefully I’ll get picked and get to go on a weekend retreat this year. It’s a free retreat. They teach you how to fly fish and supply all the gear, everything. Something different to look forward to. I love the outdoors. When all else fails, fish. My father loves to fish, so something we could do together later.

I participated in an online survey at Dalhousie University on breast cancer as well. Might as well get involved and do what I can to help find a cure. I have spent much time today researching and reading materials online; I am tired of the mass of information, so thought it must be time to blog. The mind can only take so much, especially such 'hard' stuff.

I realized this morning that my life has been like driving 100 km/hour (although my friend begged to differ with me, saying it was more like 180 km/hr). These past few days, I am able to drive only 50 km/hour – a much slower pace, highly unusual for me, and a bit annoying at times; like when you get behind a slow driver and want to get to your destination, but can't pass. I have plans to do emails and read books, but haven’t the energy to do much of anything. I need to lower my expectations this week, and am trying to do that. I guess tomorrow will be better.

Receiving many cards, flowers and food -- Doug says he'll have to go on a diet. Linda brought some beautiful pink flowers tonight. I love flowers -- they are so beautiful, like I want my life to be.

I still can’t talk too much about what’s going on in my heart – I don’t want to cry (too much). I know that I am to be still and KNOW that God is God, and my life is definitely in His hand. He won’t give me any more than I can handle.
The verses that touched me today are:

Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. (Phil 1:12)

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. (Phil 1:18-19)

I eagerly expect and HOPE that I will in NO way be ASHAMED, but will have sufficient COURAGE so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to LIVE is Christ and to DIE is gain. (Phil 1:20-21).

I'm Back

This is my first attempt at the computer since the night before surgery. I have much in my heart to share; but have not had the physical or mental strength to do so yet. Yesterday I did not want to see or talk to anyone, as my emotions are at the surface and I'm trying not to cry too much. I cry a little and move on. Crying is one of God's gifts -- a healing release we need.

The morning before surgery, I looked at myself in the mirror. Took one last look at my breast and said with tears, "Good-bye, old friend. Thanks for the memories." On with the show now. Time to move on -- I have no out, do I?

I used the phrase, "I'm Daddy's brave litle girl," several times the day of surgery. Especially going into the starkness of the operating room, and hearing the operating nurses preparing the instruments for surgery. I closed my eyes; it was too much for me. Like the worst dream I've ever been in, yet at the same time, peace surrounded me -- I'm His little girl -- will He let harm come to me now? I must trust Him; He won't leave me now. I tried to think of it as an adventure. Hundreds of people were praying. I felt God's peace throughout the day.

They couldn't wake me up. I didn't want to wake up; I wanted sleep -- do I have to come alive again? But I must come back to reality. Not the reality I want to live in. Please, take this cup from me, Lord, but not my will, but yours.

That first night, I felt God speak to me throughout the night -- quiet and still. I am helpless and unable to take care of myself. He sent me caregivers -- Cheryl, Natalie and Doug, who tenderly cared for me. Humility -- helpless I am; I had a sense I was like the "English Patient," and have been calling myself that ever since. If you haven't seen that movie, I suggest you watch it. I feel like I have been through a terrible war -- parts removed, pain and exhaustion, unable to care for myself, but people care for me now.

Two days ago, the ExtraMural nurse removed the large pressure bandage and applied another smaller bandage. She asked me if I wanted to look -- I didn't. Natalie and Doug did, though. I felt comforted somewhat that they got to see what I looked like before I did. It took the horror away somewhat; like they shared my pain and took the burden from me.

I have been followed around by my Hemovac drain for the past four days, from which my wounds drain. My little buddy. An annoyance, yet a comfort as it takes care of my wounds; the blood flows into it. Natalie became an expert in its use. This morning, my Extramural nurse, Brenda Haney, came and removed the drain tube from under my arm. Some more pain released. She was so encouraging to me, and is going to contact the Canadian Cancer Society for me to have a one-on-one with a resource person. So much to learn now.

Mom and Natalie took me up to my bedroom and washed my hair. N & D's spa, they said. Cheryl, Mom and Doris did my hair two days ago the same way. We got a picture of this interesting beauty treatment. Lying on my back, with head draped over a huge tub, two people supporting my neck and one washing. Beautiful. Women know how wonderful it is to have their hair washed. I am blessed; what care people are giving me.

I have been journaling my feelings over the past couple of days. Some of them are perhaps too private to share on the blog, but I am putting them in my 'book.' Some I will share over the next few days. I'm seeing a new aspect of God as well, and learning about how frail I really am. Without God, where would I be?

Mom and Natalie have been cleaning the house for me the past couple of days. When all else fails, clean, I guess. God is not failing me, however, He is here, in ways I never saw before.

I must go have lunch now, prepared for me by my wonderful daughter and mother. Doug is home now and we await Susan and Morton's visit (friends from Grand Manan). I will write more later.

I must keep in mind that this is the middle chapter of my book. Thank you for praying -- please continue to do so. Next week will be another step, when we receive the results of the pathology report. I do not want fear. I want anticipation. Love you all.

She's Recovering

Mom is continuing to recover from her surgery. She's having some pain and is getting tired of being in bed--it's a challenge for such an active woman to be resting all the time!

The extra mural nurse came today and removed the heavy dressing from the site, and this was hard for mom. She didn't want to look at the incision, and is a bit discouraged today. But she's trying to be positive and take it one day and one step at a time.

Let me tell you, Cheryl Pazia is a God-send. She came for the weekend on her days off from her nursing job to take care of mom, and ended up taking care of us all. Dad, myself, and my son Aiden are all sick with colds and Cheryl made us meals, watched over the baby, got up with mom in the middle of the night, and took complete care of mom since she came home from the hospital. Thank you so much Cheryl for your selfless care for our family. We will never forget your kindness to us.

Today we had many visitors--my brother Jon and his family, my aunt Janet and her daughter, Doris, my grandparents, as well as the wonderful people from mom and dad's church who are delivering meals for the next two weeks. Mom enjoyed seeing everyone, especially her beloved grandchildren, who bring her so much joy. But, of course, she's very tired after having a house full of active children for the day :)

Please pray that mom will be able to sleep peacefully tonight and that she'll have less pain tomorrow. My grandmother is going to come and help me clean the house, and I'm glad to have her help. Here's hoping that she brings me a jar of mustard pickles when she comes--YUM!

Here are some words from mom: "Thank you for praying, but don't stop. We want to have a good report from the doctor in two weeks. I hope to write something tomorrow."

God bless,
Natalie

Deb's surgery

Today was the day of my mom's surgery. We arrived at the hospital at 7:30 am and went to day surgery to check in. A nurse soon arrived to get mom set up in the room she would return after the surgery. My dad, Janet White, and myself were there to keep her company, and we talked and laughed until the doctors came to take her to the OR. Before she left the three of us laid our hands on her and prayed over her--for peace, for guidance of her surgeon's hands, and for the surgeon to be able to get all the cancer and find the lymph nodes easily.

She went into surgery at 10:15 and then into recovery until she came back to the room where we were waiting at 2:30. She slept all afternoon and occasionally woke up requesting ice chips :) At 5:30 Dr. Bryden came in to give us instructions on how to take care of mom after we took her home and also to tell us how the surgery went.

Dr. Bryden said that she was able to get the whole tumor and that she did not have to take any muscle because the tumor was completely contained within the surrounding tissue. She was also able to get 7 or 8 lymph nodes to test to see if the cancer has spread, and said this was excellent because sometimes she can only get a couple and then has to do another surgery later on to collect more for testing.

Mom is now home resting in bed. Her good friend Cheryl Pazia has come up from Saint John to help and the three of us are waiting on her hand and foot :)

THANK YOU so much for praying for all of us as we walk through this journey with mom. She is in good spirits but is very tired. We all feel your prayers and God's presence upholding us and giving us strength and peace.

Blessings,
Natalie

This is IT

"Overture, curtains, lights,
This is it, the night of nights
No more rehearsing and nursing a part
We know every part by heart
Overture, curtains, lights
This is it, you'll hit the heights
And oh what heights we'll hit
On with the show this is it

Tonight what heights we'll hit
On with the show this is it"

I used to love the Bugs Bunny show. Now I feel like I'm living the overture song. I can't believe I am in this place in my life, but you know what? God is going before me, and He knows the way I take -- there are NO surprises for Him. He knows my beginning from the end.

When I was 15, I wrote my first song, "He Has Made Everything Beautiful." Over the years I performed it, but never fully understood the meaning of it until now. It is based on Ecclesiastes 3:11-15. It is for this time in my life.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, He has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from beginning to the end."

I don't know what God is up to, but I know He will make it beautiful. He will make this crisis in my life beautiful in its time. I know that with all my heart. I trust my Father in heaven with all my heart.

Today, as I was in Nuclear Medicine preparing to have four needles inserted into my breast, I spoke these words: "I'm Daddy's brave little girl." These words are from the movie "Ruby Bridges," which I watched yesterday. Coincidence that I watched it yesterday? I think not. I am my God's brave little girl, who can do anything with her father's help.

I'm going to bed. Night. This is it -- on with the show, this is it.

Love to all and to all a good night.

deb
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Bridge Over Troubled Water

"When you're weary, feeling small
When tears are in your eyes,
I will dry them all....
I'm on your side
Oh, when times are rough
And friends [are all around]
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you ...

When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Just like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down"

(Simon & Garfunkel; [Deb])

YouTube - Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water

If you could read my mind

Last evening before bed, I thought of two more songs from my past that I love. One is "If You Could Read My Mind," by Gordon Lightfoot. I've changed the words a bit, but soon I will be free from this cancer, by the grace of God.

If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
bout a [woman] in a wishing well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
You know that [woman] is me
And I will [soon] be set free
(Gordon Lightfoot, [Deb])

Another Believe Song

A friend emailed this song to me today. I love this song (you can tell I love many songs; hey, I'm musical). I traveled to PEI this summer with a dear friend to hear Brian Doerksen sing. He is an awesome Canadian. "I believe." This afternoon, another friend brought me another 'believe' angel. Seems to be a theme this week -- BELIEVE. When all else fails, we must BELIEVE.

YouTube - I Believe: from Creation Calls by Brian Doerksen

Broken and Beautiful

I'm listening to another song -- "Broken & Beautiful" by Mark Schultz. You can hear it on YouTube. One of the struggles with mastectomy is coming to terms with what your body is going to look like -- to yourself and to your husband. We have talked much about this. I will be broken, but beautiful. I am broken, but still beautiful in the eyes of God. He loves me. My husband loves me.

This morning I gave my breast to God -- it is His, so He can have it. He created me, so He knows what I'm going through. He won't give me more than I can bear. He is my burden bearer. I realize that I am grieving in these past two days; I have had time alone to think, reflect, pray and prepare myself mentally and spiritually. It's been hard to rest and I feel like I want to scream at times, or run a marathon, I don't know which. The ExtraMural nurse was here this morning to talk about mastectomy after-care. It turns out we know her, and Doug & I were so blessed to meet with her this morning.

My surgery is now scheduled for Friday morning (not Friday afternoon as previously scheduled). I will go to Nuclear Medicine on Thursday afternoon at 2:30 to have dye injections in preparation for the sentinel node biopsy which will happen along with the mastectomy on Friday. This is better -- one thing, one day at a time. At least I can wake up early Friday morning and go 'get er done,' as some of my friends like to say. I'm in my Day Box (Matthew 6:25-33).

deb

YouTube - Casting Crowns Praise You In The Storm

YouTube - Casting Crowns Praise You In The Storm: "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHdcyue0bSw"

Bear with me -- one more song

You know, I've gone through SO many storms in my life, and have come through EVERY one of them. It's hard to be thankful to God during the 'storm', but if I can be thankful 'by faith' for them (including this one), I can look at them with a different perspective. Like Job did; he never blamed or cursed God for his trial, even though everything was taken from him -- for a time. And then God restored everything to him, with the last half of his life being better than the first. That's what I am claiming -- that the latter part of my life WILL be better than the first half. Remember, women can easily live to the age of 90. That means I'm only 4 years old right now.

more later....deb

Another Song I Love

This afternoon, I am alone, as Natalie and Aiden came down with colds and are staying at my mother's til they recover. So, I'm spending this time listening to music I love, and trying to putter at housework and paperwork. Not having much success, though. If I didn't have the Lord in my life, I don't know what I would do -- He alone is my reason for living. I can't do this without Him. He is indeed 'holding onto me,' as this song says. "In His arms I find rest, because He knows how far the east is from the west. From one scarred hand to the other." Or I could put it this way: "From one scarred hand to another scarred breast." He is with me.


YouTube - Casting Crowns - East to West:

Amazing Song I heard today

I heard this song today by Third Day and it really touched me. "I'm trying to find my way, I haven't got a clue... Tell me, should I stay here, or do I need to move....I've got nothing without you." Check it out.

YouTube - Third day, revelation

Yes, I'd like to order a ....

This morning started out with me calling the surgeon's answering machine and ordering a mastectomy, believe it or not. Like ordering a pizza or something. No big deal -- how much do I owe you? Then the office called back and told me that my surgery had been moved up to this Friday, Nov. 28th -- my heart started to pound, as I realized the day was near at hand. My mind started racing -- "Oh, I've got so much to take care of!" I calmed down after about an hour -- I received God's peace. Without God I cannot go through this. With God, I can do anything. He is my strong tower, my shelter, my rock. All the Scripture I have meditated on for years is now coming to mind. "Hide the word in your heart" the Bible says. I understand why now.

We took off to do errands (Natalie & Aiden & I). Nat & I had a few laughs in the mall, and ate Laura Secord chocolates. When all else fails, eat chocolate. Another one of my "when all else fails" sayings. I even got my passport picture taken, as I have to go south next year; well at least as far as New York City for my 50th birthday celebration. After I celebrated my 49th birthday in August, I made a new motto for my 50th year, my year of Jubilee -- "Fit at 50." Soon after that declaration, I found out this news of cancer. Yet I still hold on to the same motto -- I WILL be fit at 50, and I will go to New York City this time next year to celebrate one year of being cancer-free. Anyone want to join my bus tour?

I was prayed for today by a good friend while doing one of my errands, in a downtown store -- how precious that was -- I was so blessed and felt so encouraged. I came home and found that my mother had prepared dinner for us. We feel so loved, and appreciate every email, every card, every phone call, every act of kindness.

One thing I'm wondering is if anyone out there knows the song "Believe" and who sings it? I believe it's a country song -- I'd like to get my hands on it. It was on a commercial during this summer's Olympics. I have a "Believe" sign in my window, and received a "Believe" angel the other day. You know what? I believe.
I believe I will come through this, and I believe in my God.

More tomorrow...... deb