Received an email from A. today. She saw a wall hanging at a friend's house today and thought of me:

    Sometimes God calms the storm

    Other times God lets the storm rage

    And calms the child.

Once again, God calmed the child today. This morning, I found myself once again in the hospital (every day this week except for Wednesday). In the radiology department, nurses prepped me as if I was in the OR, draping my whole body. The doctor froze my arm, then inserted a PICC line (peripherally inserted central catheter) in my upper arm. I was hot because of all the draping, so asked for a cold facecloth for my head. I love cold facecloths; they work wonders when you're not feeling so 'hot' (like my pun?). My heart started to palpitate during the procedure, as the catheter was inserted, but I advised the doc and he did something to calm it down. Another storm pushed through. You know, I have always loved to walk outside during rain storms and snow storms, because I know that if I can get through those storms, I can get through anything. I always put my hood up and my head down, and plow through it. That's what I'm doing now in this storm. So, God calmed the child through this medical procedure.

After that pin-cushion procedure, I trekked upstairs to the oncology unit to try and arrange my blood tests to be done on that unit, as the regular blood collectors did not collect blood from PICC lines. I was supposed to have the blood test tomorrow, but conveniently, one of the nurses on oncology said, "I can take your blood right now." So, I took a seat inside the chemo room with all the other patients receiving chemo. I didn't think I would go in this room and socialize until after the second or third chemo treatment, having already asked the resource nurse for a private room for Monday. But, God always prepares me bit by bit for things, the weak child that I am, and I was in there today for about 40 minutes. Clark, a man from our church happened to be the volunteer for the day – only works there on Thursdays. Coincidence? I think not.

Anyway, on with the story. My nurse turned to us, AS we're entering the chemo room, and said, "Hi, my name is Charlene." Doug and I burst out laughing. She said, "What?" "Oh, we'll tell you the story," I replied." Now this is the second nurse I've had named Charlene. The first one was the day of surgery. Today's 'Charlene' just happened to be a francophone Charlene, just the way I like it. Now, for some of you, this may be a strange entry and not funny, but for people like Natalie, Linda H, Shelly, Sue, Max, Laurie, Doris, Carolyn, Cheryl, Becky, etc. this should be hilarious. She sat down and we told her the story. I told her that it was God's payback for a funny experience I had years ago. Mary Poppins said there needed to be an element of fun in everything, didn't she? And just as I'm entering the room that I'm scared to go into, God showed me His sense of humour with "Hi, my name is Charlene." If you want to know the details, email me privately and I'll tell you.

There's more. I'm in this chemo room longer than Charlene expected, because she got a phone call from radiology. Apparently, one of the nurses got a needle stick injury either while the procedure was going on, or during clean-up, so standard procedure is that the patient be given an HIV blood test. So, on top of all the blood I was to give (including a pregnancy test!), I had to given written consent for an HIV test! Dr. Raza came and explained this to me. I signed the form. Another form. He asked me with a smile on his face, "Are you ready for chemo?" "No!" I smiled back. Then I drank some ice water, sipped some coffee and ate a blueberry muffin. Charlene came back and drew eight vials of blood from the PICC line. Good old PICC line; already my li'l buddy. Thanks for the laughs, Charlene. I really like you.

Home again, home again. Not for roast beef this time, but to see my mom cleaning my house. I'm so glad that I have a healthy, workhorse mother. She is great. She brought me her homemade chicken soup for lunch. I tried to have a short nap, but no sleep would come. It's physically and emotionally draining to go through this process, but God calmed the child today.

Received a delivery from Scott's Nursery – a beautiful plant arrangement of all these living plants and flowers that can be repotted later. 'My friends at Edith Lank Camp in Campobello Island" sent it to me. Thank you – it is beautiful. Here is a picture…. It gives me hope – so alive and green – just like me! I'll be going there the week of August 10^th to lead "Mothers' Camp," a week long camp for kids and their mothers. We have a serious volleyball challenge going on and this will be the second season. I'm on the Mustangs. We won the tournament this past summer. And I think we'll win again. The girls on the island are busy making our team uniforms. I can't wait to see them. Talk about competition – girls from the island are competitive. Grand Manan girls seem to be that way, too, especially Q. She's all that and a bag of chips, I say.

Later this afternoon, the OT director took me to Brookside Mall to check out hats. She bought me two hats: a navy wool hat for outdoors, and a baby blue 'hope' cap, a snug fitting cap, which can be worn inside the house, under an outside hat, or to bed (www.hopecaps.com). We went to Lawton's Drugs and I picked out the hope cap. I also found out that I can go there for a prosthesis fitting when I'm ready. Every step of the way, He is leading me. Now to get some scarves. You know, this past week, I have really loved my hair. I brush it and brush it, and feel it and look at it. I've had some really good hair days these past few days. I'll never take my hair for granted again, nor complain about it. "Oh, where is my hairbrush?" is the song I want to be singin'.

Our neighbour cousins, C & W, decided last evening to put their Christmas lights back up on their deck so I could see them. I am so touched. Thank you, C & W; how thoughtful! I love lights. They comfort me. I still have my Christmas tree decorated by the OT director outside my front window. I'm leaving it there all winter. It never goes out. My light will never go out, either. Father of lights, light my way tonight.

I worked most of the morning and early afternoon on my 'papers' again. Then went to Shoppers Drug Mart to see if my drugs were ready. Not ready, so went to Willie Wonka to walk again with the OT director. I can go at a pretty good clip now, just like a race horse, I am. Then back to Shoppers to get the drugs and some other useful items. Had a sense of elation that I did not set off the alarm again –went in there twice, and no alarm. Felt like there was progress somehow.

C. (Doug's cousin) brought dinner to us, and after dinner came over with a special thing she found – a Weeble! Hence the picture on the sidebar. I was thinking yesterday that I needed a picture of a Weeble, but didn't know how to get one. And there was one lurking in the neighborhood! C. told me I should take it with me to my chemotherapy session on Monday. Perhaps I will. And it's an Ernie Weeble – from Sesame Street, one of my favorite shows from yesteryear that I watched with my children.

So now it's a waiting game again. I'm trying not to think about it too much, but it is in my thoughts most of the time. I need a mental rest from this process, so maybe bookwork is a good thing; I actually have to concentrate. Concentration is difficult when you're concentrating on your life, do you know what I mean? I need to concentrate on chemo being my friend. Remind me of that.

Tomorrow morning – 8:30 – I have a pick line inserted. I'm beginning to feel like a pin cushion. Praise the Lord.

Run for the Cure 2009

Angie, my adopted daughter from Norton, along with a couple of her 'sisters,' Kim and Kelly, have come up with a project that they are very excited about. And so am I. I asked Angie to compose a 'blurb' for the blog, so we can get the ball rolling. So here is what Angie came up with and what they're up to. Once again, I am blessed, and breast cancer research will be blessed…..

 

 Here's what we've got for your blog, along with the link for my blog which I'll post info on and people can check!  I'm so excited about this!

 
 

Are you looking for a way to support Deb?  We have a great idea for you!  On October 4th, 2009 the CIBC Run For The Cure for Breast Cancer will take place all across Canada.  We want to form a team for Deb this year.   We have a couple of names:  "Deb's Dancing Queen Team" or "Team Dancing Queen".  The run is months away, we have lots of time to raise money and get more people involved.  The website for the 2009 Run doesn't officially open for registrations until February, at that time we will post new information.  Did you know you can even join the "virtual run", take part even if you are unable to run on the 4th?  Even though the official site is not open for registration you can still find out information and read testimonials from past teams.  Please join us for this wonderful opportunity!  Here is a blog you can check regularly for information and the link for the CIBC Run For The Cure.  Oh, there is so much to be done, we need t-shirts, a banner, a name (?, defibrillators, oxygen, new sneakers, red tams....Definitely the more the merrier!!!

 
 

www.angieangella.blogspot.com

 
 

https://www.cibcrunforthecure.com/html/login.asp?session=y

 
 

I think we're going to have a huge response!!!!!

 
 

Love, Angie xox

 

"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down."* I'm a Weeble. It seems like I'm going to fall down, but then I bounce back up and keep wobblin'. Today has been a roller coaster of emotions and information -- Information overload.

This morning we met with Dr. Raza, my oncologist. Here is a synopsis:

• The abdominal, pelvic and chest x-rays showed no cancer in the liver, ovaries or chest. Yes! Thank you, God.
  
• The heart scan showed my heart is strong enough for chemo
  
• A bone scan has been rescheduled to this Friday, along with blood tests (including a pregnancy test!)
  
• I will have a pick line IV inserted in my arm this Thursday @ 8:30 a.m. This is how I will receive chemo and have my blood taken for the next few months. It will be my new little buddy (remember my 'drain' buddy?)
  
• I start chemotherapy next Monday, January 12 @ 10:50 a.m.
  
• For the first 3 cycles, I will be given a chemo cocktail of 3 drugs (F.E.C., all having different qualities)
  
• The final 3 cycles will be another drug (D.)
  
• I have 6 cycles of chemo, every 21 days
  
• Dr. Raza prescribed me 3 anti-nausea drugs (including a steroid, so perhaps I grow really big muscles, like Popeye), and Zantac
  
• Radiation in Saint John for 3 ½ weeks after the chemo (probably in June)
  
• Tamoxifen drug (anti-estrogen therapy) for five years
  
• There are 4 stages of breast cancer and different grades. I am in Stage 3, Grade 3 (this is not what we originally thought)
  
• I am ER/PR positive and Her2neu negative, if you know what they mean.
  

Dr. Raza examined me and asked if we had any questions. He said that taking Tamoxifen for five years will also give the cancer researchers five more years of research, and that perhaps they will come up with more drugs or a cure. All the more reason to Run for the Cure (I'll be posting about that later), and support cancer research.

We then went to see the resource nurse, Elaine, a wonderful woman who talked to us for 2 hours. (I asked her if I could put her name on the blog; she said 'yes'). She explained the process, side effects, resources available, etc. We also met with the social worker who talked to me about how I was handling it, and is setting me up in the "Look Good, Feel Great" program that is offered in the city for breast cancer survivors. She told us that if we had financial concerns that she may be able to find some help for drug coverage, etc. Even asked how she thought our granddaughter, Afton, might react when she sees me without hair, and then gave me a book to read to her. They think of everything. Elaine took me in to be weighed and 'heighted.' This was in the chemo room where people were receiving treatment. This was something I wasn't looking forward to, but it was OK. I managed to make a few jokes while being weighed. I did, however, ask to have a private room for the first treatment, just to ease into it. Elaine said that was OK for the first couple of times, but when they switch me to the D. drug, that I have to be monitored in the big room. She showed us the chemo pharmacy, and said that the air was vented to the outside. I can't believe we put this stuff in our bodies! Chemo – chemicals. Elaine told us many things to be aware of besides the side effects, things one would never think about – mouth care, changes in likes/dislikes with regard to eating, being exposed to direct sunlight a no-no, skin drying out, even sexuality was discussed. Wow. Information overload. Dr. Raza and Elaine stressed to us that if I get a fever to automatically go to the ER to be treated. Also, to be aware of people with colds or flu, but not to shut myself off to the world – to do whatever I could every day, and rest when needed. You have about one good week that you're feeling not too bad per 3 week cycle (that is the week your white blood cells are replenishing). But let's pray that there are two good weeks or why not pray that all three be good? I hugged Elaine when I left her; she is wonderful; I can see why she has that job.

So here are my prayer requests: no cancer in the bones; no side effects (especially nausea); energy; HOPE and laughter. In everything, that there be an element of fun.

We left the oncology unit after 1, came home for a bite of lunch, then back over to the Fredericton Medical clinic to see Dr. Bryden. She checked my wound and decided not to drain it at this time, so there would be no possibility of infection before starting chemo. If it swells up anymore in the next week or two, she will decide then. We had a few laughs in her office. (She reprimanded me in a good way for doing too many exercises). She is absolutely great. Have I mentioned this before? Need a surgeon? I highly recommend her.

Then to Shoppers Drug Mart to get prescription filled, and to buy $120 of items to counter effect side effects of the drugs! And I didn't set off the alarm there (every time I go to Shoppers northside, the alarm goes off). But today, it didn't. Go figure. Cancer's gone. It must have been a breast cancer detector, is all I can figure.

Home again home again, Weebly Wobbly. Had roast beef. My mother came to see me – haven't seen her for one week as my dad has had the flu. The OT director came and made me tea and wrote things on my shopping list I need to get: candied ginger, ginger tea, Sensodyne. Quite the list. I think I'll have quite the list for a time now. Strange lists. A strange time in my life. But happening, nonetheless. I still can't believe we're going through this, but we are. I'm a weeble. I wobble but I don't fall down.

"Weebles is a trademark for several lines of children's roly-poly toys originating in Hasbro's Playskool division on July 23, 1971. Shaped like eggs with a weight at the fat, or bottom end, they wobble when pushed, but never fall completely over, hence the name and the slogan "weebles wobble, but they don't fall down". Some Weebles were designed to look like humans. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeble)

I met a precious woman this morning while awaiting my heart scan. She told me that her husband had just been diagnosed with lymphoma on New Years' Eve. I could empathize, for some reason … She was surprised that she opened up and shared her heart with a 'complete stranger.' I told her that perhaps I wasn't a complete stranger; you see, I understand, I've just been diagnosed with breast cancer, had a mastectomy and am now awaiting chemo. I gave her the verse I posted last evening from Phil 4:6-7 – "Do not be anxious about anything…" I also gave her my phone number and website. Pray for her – her name is the same as mine, and for her husband. I did what my sister told me to – take my attitude with me into the hospital; somebody might need my attitude. It was truly a 'God moment.'

The scan process took an hour. What to do after a heart scan? Aerobics, of course. Walking at Willie Wonka's place – 2 miles at a fast clip; good cardio workout. The OT director joined me halfway through and puffed along trying to keep up to me. She is not a physical activity director, shall we say. On to my favorite store for groceries and home again, jiggety-jig. A ring at my door, it was my favorite mail carrier, H., back from Christmas vacation, delivering my mail in person and catching up. She's so sweet. Her sister, Margaret, goes to Halifax for stem cell implant on Thursday. Let's remember to pray for her as she undergoes this treatment.

I worked for a couple of hours on the 'books,' which is NOT something I want to do right now, but… It is very difficult for me to concentrate on numbers right now. D. came over tonight and we watched The Note, a Hallmark movie. Then the three of us had a prayer time.

If we had no fear, we could do anything. If we had peace, we could do anything. No fear and His peace are what I need most of all. "Tell God what you want," says the New Living Translation of Phil 4:6-7 (I gave this version to Deborah this morning in the hospital). Well, this is what I want, God: no more bad news. I want healing, I want wholeness, I want peace, I want wellness, I want life. That's what I want. I want Jesus to calm my storm. I want Jesus to take the knot out of my stomach. I want to sleep.

Matthew 8 tells us that Jesus calmed a great storm. Behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he was asleep. (Jesus was asleep! He wasn't concerned about the storm. Janet White # 1 reminded me of this last night). And the [disciples] went and woke him, saying, 'Save us, Lord; we are perishing.' And [Jesus] said to them, 'Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?' Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. And the men marveled, saying, 'What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?'

Well, I see some parallels to my life right now. A great storm, the boat of my life being swamped by the huge waves. Me calling out to God: "HELP!" And there is Jesus, sleeping in the boat – He was not afraid. He didn't need to be. He could just say a word and the storm would cease.

So, Lord, say the word and stop my beating heart and twisted gut. Put your hand on my shoulder. Grant me your peace, I pray. And let me lay down and sleep with you in this boat of life. Let me curl up with you and sleep, knowing that your arms are around me, and that ANY moment you will stop the storm.

Tomorrow – oncology unit here I come….

This morning I prayed that God would help me lead the music at church, and give me the words to say. I planned on speaking about five or ten minutes on hope. Not really sure what I would say, but I took a mug that said "HOPE" on it to church with me. I knew that I would read Psalm 42, which is the psalm I used when I was in Campobello the weekend before I was diagnosed. "Why are you downcast, O my soul; and my tears have been my food day and night" type of psalm, with "I will put my hope in God" interspersed throughout.

I was late getting to church for music practice, and I'm the one who set the time. I'm so out of schedule that I have a hard time with time lately. I told the worship team that this would be an 'act of God' this morning, and it truly was. God came through for me, as usual. Pastor Patrick told me that he didn't think he was to preach this morning, that I was. I guess I knew it in my spirit, and that I would simply share what I am going through. I asked God to fill my mind with the words He wanted me to say. He certainly did – tears, a bit of humour, expressing my heart to my friends at the church. I was touched to look out in the crowd and see many people crying with me and for me. I went to the piano and sang "Faithful One" with all my heart, for He is my faithful God, who will never leave me nor forsake me. The elders and the pastor laid hands on me and Doug and prayed for us, with the congregation reaching out holy hands in agreement that we would have strength for this journey, and experience God's healing. The body of Christ is beautiful. Then I went back to the piano to play and sing for communion. The Lord's presence was very beautiful this morning, as He ministered to us all. We are blessed to be part of this wonderful church family who care so deeply for one another.

D. took me out to lunch, then I came home anticipating a nap. Quite exhausted from the morning's events. But first, I decided to email the parents of my music students to tell them that I won't be able to teach their children for awhile. I have been putting this off, because it's been so hard to make that decision. I love my students and will miss them. I pray that they will do their absolute best. Made some tea, and watched football for a few minutes. Have I mentioned that I love football? It's that whole pushing through the enemy line thing; bit by bit the team makes a touchdown. The team works together; they spur one another on. Isn't that what it's all about?

Had a little nap, then Uncle F. & Aunt H., cousins M. & R. came to visit. They are from 'up river,' if you know what that means. We had a short visit, but a nice one. I am amazed at how many people come from far away to visit. It touches me. G. from church came by with a HOPE sign for me. She said that after hearing my talk this morning in church she knew it was for me. It's beautiful. I seem to be accumulating angels and words in my home, constant reminders to believe that God is at work in my life. And He is.

We were invited to adopted cousins M. & P. in new Maryland for a roast beef dinner with all the fixin's. A couple of weeks ago, P. asked me what she could do. I said, "I would like a roast beef dinner," which is an odd statement for me to make, considering I'm not a big fan of meat. They also invited adopted cousin Els & D. to the meal. Els said that was a great request to make to P., as she can cook a roast like nobody's business. It was the BEST roast beef I've tasted, I believe, and I had two helpings, which is another miracle. For dessert, P. had made rice pudding for me (and she didn't know my love for this delectable dessert), and raisin pie for Doug. She also did not know Doug's love for raisin pie. Coincidence? I think not. M. had also made up some lovely applesauce to die for. We had wonderful conversation, and left with the leftovers for tomorrow's meal. I especially enjoyed Els' adventures with her knitted cardigan and had several laughs throughout the evening.

Well, must go get ready for bed. Tomorrow morning, I go to the hospital to have a MUGA scan (heart scan). I am injected with nuclear dye, wait for 2 ½ hours and they scan my heart, to make sure I'm strong enough to undergo chemotherapy. Tuesday is the day I go to the cancer unit for 2-3 hours. I want to be prepared – mentally, spiritually, and physically. If you're the praying type, I ask you to pray to that end.

This is a good verse for me to put into practice:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all human understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4; Deb's memorization translation).

PS: My movie pick of the week: August Rush. It will bring you to tears and inspire you that anything is possible for those who BELIEVE.

Friday was a quiet day. M. picked me up in the early afternoon and we went to L.B.'s house, where we were joined by P. We chatted and shared with one another for a couple of hours. Some of our other ministry partners were planning on joining us, but couldn't make it due to weather, etc., so we made the best of it. It was a beautiful time, and it cheered my spirit to be with them. We had dinner together, and then M. and I went to the Brookside Mall on a search for a couple of strange items, and had a few laughs. M. makes me laugh, and I guess I make her laugh, too. Thanks, L., for opening your home to us. It is truly beautiful, and so are you. P., you are amazing, what can I say? I missed the other girls, and can't wait to see them again. They truly bless me. Perhaps we will try again to have a gathering in the near future.

Last evening, I had a phone call from W. from Apohaqui. She is a breast cancer survivor, and called to encourage me. And encourage me she did. We talked about the fears, the process, the fatigue, and the nearness of God when we call out to Him, and how immediately He answers us. Thanks, W., for helping me with your words. I remember the day when her sister, C., came out to Camp T to tell me that she was diagnosed. Our ministry team was in the middle of conducting a retreat at Camp T – it was September of 2007. I had named the retreat, More Than a Survivor. I want to do a retreat this coming September called More Than a Survivor 2. Anyone interested in coming? Perhaps W. would speak at it as well. Survivor – I found a sticker upstairs today on my picture: "I'm a Survivor." Wow. I am a survivor. I also found the brochure advertising the retreat. Little do you know when you do something that it means so much more later.

I slept well. Almost felt normal. This morning, Doug and I decided to go through papers and receipts. I need to get things organized for income taxes and do the books for the ministry and my music business, a large task, to say the least. All day and into the evening I have handled paper – HELP! The living room is a disaster, but what else is new these past few months? We took a break this afternoon to go walking at Willie Wonka. Walked 1 ½ miles, quite a feat for me. My strength is coming back; I could have walked more, but my hip started to ache. If it's not one thing, it's another! Oh well, there's always tomorrow for more exercise. Then we went to D & L's for coffee and chocolate. Doug also enjoyed fresh rolls straight from the oven. I had a few tears as I talked about chemo with D., but I regained my composure quickly and dried my eyes. Stay in your day box, Deb. There's a reason we're not allowed to see into the future, and only God knows the reason why. We wouldn't be able to handle seeing into the future.

Tomorrow morning is the first time to play and lead the music at the church. I'm also going to speak a bit; not sure what I will say, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. HOPE – He offers promise every day. HOPE – He offers purpose every day. Maybe I'll focus on that. Only God knows what I will say.

Well, must go back to the papers and make some nachos. I love nachos. And they love me.

2009 – A New Year

Mary Poppins was the first movie that my mother took me to at the theatre. I loved it. I loved Julie Andrews, too, and always wanted to sing like her (along with Anne Murray). Today, while perusing the Patch Adams website, I came across a quote from Mary Poppins:

    In every job that must be done there is an element of fun; you find that fun and snap, the job's a game.

I thought to myself, "Yes, chemo is a job that must be done, therefore I need to find an element of fun." And when I find that element of fun, snap the job's a game. Big stretch, but is it possible? All things are possible if we believe, right? Talking to my sister Brenda this morning, telling her that I need to change my attitude about chemo and going to the cancer ward next week. She told me to take my 'changed attitude' into the cancer unit; that my good attitude will be the encouragement for others. I thought on that for awhile; that's wisdom. I started to pray (again) about this whole process, not looking forward to it at all, and the idea came to me that chemo could be a friend, instead of an enemy. So, that's what I'm in the process today of thinking about, asking God to help me see the treatment as His form of healing. That when I go in there next week, that I am not afraid, but hopeful that I'm going there to get healed. Chemo and radiation and drugs are for my healing. Pray that I have a change of attitude. That I am a girl of courage, going to Mary Poppins to hear Julie Andrews sing,

In ev'ry job that must be done
There is an element of fun
You find the fun and snap!
The job's a game

[Sung]
And ev'ry task you undertake
Becomes a piece of cake
A lark! A spree! It's very clear to see that

A Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way

A robin feathering his nest
Has very little time to rest
While gathering his bits of twine and twig
Though quite intent in his pursuit
He has a merry tune to toot
He knows a song will move the job along - for

A Spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way

[Interlude]

The honey bee that fetch the nectar
From the flowers to the comb
Never tire of ever buzzing to and fro
Because they take a little nip
From ev'ry flower that they sip
And hence (And hence),
They find (They find)
Their task is not a grind. (Spoonful of Sugar)

Being a woman of many songs, this one was a favorite when I was young. So, I'm going to bring it back into my life. May I find that ev'ry task I undertake becomes a piece of cake, a lark, a spree. May I always have a song to move the job along, and find that this task is not a grind, but a blessing.

Patch's Prescription: 10 Ideas | Gesundheit Institute

Patch's Prescription: 10 Ideas | Gesundheit Institute

New Year’s Eve

I woke up this morning singing an ABBA song. My sister called and said that Mom cannot get "Dancing Queen" out of her mind. We had a Mamma Mia movie night the other night, so the songs are still fresh in our minds. I read yesterday that disco is on its way back; that people need to dance to relieve their stress. You got that right. I hope to dance tonight by the Christmas tree, to celebrate the new year. Doug has agreed to dance with the Dancing Queen.

Received another package in the mail today. This time from good ol' Nova Scotia. From our friend and ministry partner, Laurie. She sent me her labour of love – pink, cream and taupe knitted blanket, stitched with prayer for me. Thank you, Laurie – I love it already, and it matches my new chair perfectly. Isn't that cool? No, it's warm, not cool.

I spent the early part of this day writing, reading, and eating. Forgot to do the 'rithmetic; must do some algebra, a quadratic equation or something. Writing in my journal, writing on my blog. Reading Scripture. Eating whole foods – dates, figs, Red Delicious apples (including the seeds), oranges, lemons, yogurt. Must be time for some more brussel sprouts, I've an affinity to them lately; I eat them as a cold snack, believe it or not. Not too long ago it was broccoli that was my vegetable of choice. And carrots and hummus. No one could ever accuse me of eating unhealthy these past couple of years, except for occasional chips and chocolate. I need now more than ever to be conscious of what I put into my body, I guess. To build up my immune system. Funny how when you're faced with a threatening illness that you suddenly become aware of what you're eating. Although over the past couple of years, I have been eating extremely good foods, in my opinion. Talking to Q this morning – I told her that I wanted 2009 to be a year of HOPE and HEALTH. She added to that: "REST AND RELAXATION, HOPE AND HEALTH." R & R and H & H. Yes. A new motto. A new motto for a new year.

I miss The Workhorse (Natalie). That's what I called her. She gets 'er done. She's all that and a bag of chips. Everything she does, she does with purpose and an amazing work ethic. Wonder where she learned that? From my mother, I guess, another workhorse. Happy New Year, Natalie – to you, Josh and Baby Aiden, who will be walking the next time I see him. Thanks for spending the last part of 2008 with us.

Doug and I had the evening to ourselves (J. & D., your prayers were answered). Watched a movie, couple of TV shows, played foam dominoes (ever played those?), and watched a CBC documentary on Mamma Mia and ABBA, if you can believe it. I can. I think it was on just for me. I told Doug I know why I loved those ABBA songs – I sang and danced to them while a teenager, when life was carefree and we had our whole lives ahead of us. And I was so in love with Doug. You know, I'm even more in love with Doug today. Those songs represented a time in my life when I could express myself – throwing back my head and laughing, dancing, not a care in the world. Making people laugh and making myself laugh at how I danced. And how I danced. I was a dancing queen. (I know, I've said this before). So tonight at midnight, we broke open the sparkling, threw balloons up into the air, and at each other, and began to dance to ABBA's Greatest Hits. Yes, we danced and danced and danced – just like when we were teenagers. We laughed; we took videos of each other dancing. I know my husband loves me now – he danced. I have a song outside my house that says, "Live each day; Forgive everything; Love with abandon." I think I will add "Dance with abandon," because that's what I did tonight – I danced like I used to dance – with abandon. And I loved it – it made me feel young again, full of hope. Thank you, my dear husband, for dancing and being crazy with me. Doug has called me "The Queen" for quite awhile. It must be time to go to bed, isn't it? It's only 1:25 a.m. But we're here listening to ABBA blaring in the music room and watching the New Year's Celebrations on American television. Just like when we were young and stayed up all night listening to the year's greatest hits. Remember that? Must be time to eat again or go to sleep, confused as to which to do next. I really want to dance some more. We'll see.

I would like 2009 to be a year of laughter. I love to laugh. I love to make others laugh. I love making children laugh, and I loved making my own children laugh by telling silly stories and dancing funny dances. I want people to make me laugh. I was reading Dr. W. Merrell's blogspot today (www.woodsonmerrell.com) and his comments on laughter:

"A Daily Dose of Laughter

A new report published at the annual meeting of the American Physiological Society in San Diego suggests that not only is laughter good for you, but even the anticipation of laughter has beneficial effects. Researchers at Loma Linda University had a group of men watch funny videos. I was encouraged but not surprised to see that the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline decreased during--and as much as 30 minutes after--watching the videos. But I was surprised and delighted to see that stress hormones decreased before
the videos started, while participants were waiting to watch funny video bits that they themselves had selected earlier. In fact, adrenaline decreased 70% while just waiting to be amused! A previous study by the same researchers demonstrated anticipation of laughter caused beneficial elevations in levels of the mood-elevating hormone, beta endorphin, and the immunity enhancing human growth hormone. All of this data gives new importance to getting a daily dose of the giggles. In THE SOURCE, [his book], you will find a discussion of the healing properties of laughter in the chapter on mind-body medicine called Power Mind, Boundless Energy. I point out that one study conducted in Japan and published in a peer reviewed journal in the U.S. found that nursing mothers who laughed while watching the Charlie Chaplin movie, Modern Times, had higher levels of the beneficial hormone melatonin in their breast milk, which reduced their babies' previously diagnosed allergic skin reactions to latex and dust. This small study offers a wonderful window into the mysteries of human nature. It's clear to me that laughter is a built in healing mechanism.

 

I want to have a daily dose of the giggles. I want the anticipation of laughter. I grew up laughing at Red Skelton, Mary Tyler Moore, Lucille Ball, and Carol Burnett. I actually wanted to be like all of them (as well as Mr. Dress Up, Mr. Rogers, and the Friendly Giant). I can't wait to watch the Mary Tyler Moore episodes. I think I'll watch The Dick Van Dyke Show and I Love Lucy, too. Now to go on a search for them… Anticipation is making me wait…

Waiting to be amused, I enter 2009…. Happy New Year, everyone. God bless you all.

 

Courage

Courage:

1. The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
   
2. That quality of mind which enables one to encounter danger and difficulties with firmness, or without fear, or fainting of heart; valor; boldness; resolution.
   
3. A quality of spirit that enables you to face danger or pain without showing fear
   
4. Obsolete. The heart as the source of emotion.
   
5. Idiom – have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, esp. in spite of criticism.
   

   ORIGIN: 1250-1300; ME corage OF, equiv. to cuer heart (cor; see HEART) + -age
   

   
    

   Usage: See Heroism. -- Courage, Bravery, Fortitude, Intrepidity, Gallantry, Valor. Courage is that firmness of spirit and swell of soul which meets danger without fear. Bravery is daring and impetuous courage, like that of one who has the reward continually in view, and displays his courage in daring acts. Fortitude has often been styled "passive courage," and consist in the habit of encountering danger and enduring pain with a steadfast and unbroken spirit. Valor is courage exhibited in war, and can not be applied to single combats; it is never used figuratively. Intrepidity is firm, unshaken courage. Gallantry is adventurous courage, which courts danger with a high and cheerful spirit. A man may show courage, fortitude, or intrepidity in the common pursuits of life, as well as in war. Valor, bravery, and gallantry are displayed in the contest of arms. Valor belongs only to battle; bravery may be shown in single combat; gallantry may be manifested either in attack or defense; but in the latter ease, the defense is usually turned into an attack.
   

   
    

   "My lord, cheer up your spirits; our foes are nigh, and this soft courage makes your followers faint." --Shakespeare
   

   (Source: www.dictionary.reference.com
   

Yesterday was a blue day, I'll have to admit, and it wasn't even a Monday. I really needed to share with everyone how I felt – I guess that's why I'm writing. When I started this journey last month, Doug & I read in a book about dealing with cancer that writing is good therapy. I feel a sense of release in sharing my thoughts and I guess it gives people a way to help carry this burden with me. For isn't that what we are called to do? "Carry one another's burdens?" I can feel people carrying it with me – thank you. God bless you. He is showing me His love through you – through your encouragement, your loving touch, your prayers, your presence, your gifts. I have never felt so loved in my life.

After blogging (30 years ago, this word never even existed) yesterday, the OT director stopped by for a coffee. I poured out my thoughts like a flood, accompanied with more tears. Yes, I need to praise God for this time in my life – easy to say in the good times, harder to do when you're in the midst of a crisis. We have to LEARN how to do this – we have PRACTICE praise until it comes easy in the hard times. Doug had called me earlier that morning and said, "Deb, I've been praying, and you need to sing The Lord is My Shepherd (Keith Green) on your piano. I love you." This was my song while going into surgery – "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me…" I sat down at the piano and played and sang to the Lord. He IS my refuge and strength. He IS my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He IS sovereign over this crisis in my life; over ALL trials He is sovereign.

The OT Director and I knelt by the Christmas tree; she prayed for me and asked me to pray for her. She gave me the next assignment – a strange one, but we both know it is from God. I began today. Stay tuned, I will tell you more later.

Back to courage – I must gain courage from the only One who can give me courage. The other day, I wrote that W.M. sent me a courage angel and a card that said I was "the most courageous gal" she knows. Yesterday's event is similar to The Tale of Two Believes. Read on….

Janet White #1 stopped by after supper for a visit, bearing much fruit for our table. We chatted about our the difficulty seeing our children go back out west, dealing with sickness, cancer and death – Janet is well acquainted with grief – her daughter died a few years ago at the age of 15 in an accident, and her husband died of cancer a year ago. He was a good friend; he still is a good friend. Janet is a person of great faith and I admire her greatly. I want to be like her – strong, resilient, compassionate, loving. She is also one of my cousins; we're closer than we thought.

Q called to comfort me (you can see her pic at the bottom of the blog). She also prayed a mighty prayer of comfort for me and said she'd call me in the morning. Q lives on the rock, but she's not far away.

At 9 o'clock, the doorbell rang. Who could that be? Doug went to check. Enter, stage right: Doug's best man, Reg, and one of my bridesmaids, Lin. We have a thirty-two year history with these friends. They were spontaneous – they came over unannounced; we're so proud of them. And to visit at such a random time. We hung out with them before we were married (they were married before we were), sped around in Reg's Gremlin, carefree and so in love, we all were. Many memories. We raised our children together, and Natalie & Becky are still best of friends. We hung out again tonight, and had many laughs. They had read the blog that afternoon, and God sent them here, we know.

L. gave me a letter that she composed that afternoon, in case we were not home. I'm glad she put it in writing, so I won't forget. Lin has an amazing gift of 'encouragement writing.' She gave me the first gift – a tube of Crest whitening toothpaste, for "those days when the whitestrips are just too much of a pain to put on." Funny; yes, for my beauty improvement program; it's going well – I'm a ravishing beauty right now.

The next gift: Lin had purchased a WillowTree Angel of Courage last week, but wasn't able to come over last week to give it to me. This would have been about the same time that W. would have mailed her Angel of Courage to me. When I opened the gift, I gasped – an angel of courage again! God must be showing me something, pay attention, Deb. I said, "I think it's a different size than the one W. sent me." Reg retrieved it from the kitchen, and lo and behold, they are different sizes. One big courage, one little courage; one brunette, the other a bit blondish (remember me thinking my hair might come in blonde?).

I sat the angels on the table together – their arms lifted high in praise, in victory, in courage. Facing danger with bravery. Little courage, big courage. I have little courage now – it will grow to big courage, Cheryl said to me on the phone this morning. Yes! I believe. Little courage, big courage.

Lin said in her letter: "And so, I come back to Courage. Even though you already have one Angel of Courage, here is another – for both of you. May both of them be placed in your home where you will see them frequently as a constant reminder that our courage comes from God to walk these difficult paths . . . . God promises you strength for each day, Deb; He promises you courage, too, the kind of courage His Son had in His darkest hours. I know you will ask Him for it, as will I on your behalf. I know you will reach for it just as this Angel does. God will reach out to you and place Courage in your heart. I know you will tighten your grip around Courage and hold firmly to God. His grip on you, Deb, is even stronger. Nothing can snatch you from His grip. God will nudge the pray-ers throughout this journey into prayers for you which will strengthen your grip. These prayers will occur at any time of day or night. Lean into them as we come to the Father on your behalf."

Thanks, Lin. Thanks for coming to see us and being obedient to bring the second angel of courage. I WILL reach out for His courage. I WILL tighten my grip around Courage. Now nudge the pray-ers, Lord, so my grip will be strengthened.

I must go dance now.

Be of good courage and let us behave ourselves courageously for our people and for the cities of our God; and may the Lord do what is good in His sight. (1 Chron 19:13).

"The ornaments of a house are the friends who frequent it." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

I'm feeling kinda low today. Alone all day so far, but I know that won't last. Spent time in 2 Samuel 22, where David cried out to the Lord, then I got on my knees and did the same. I'm expecting God to hear me, just like He did David. Then I got in my car and drove to Willie Wonka gym, where I walked on the "walking track" for about 6 laps or so, just short of a mile. My hip started to hurt, so I stopped. I can't wait til I can do what I did before – jogging might hurt a bit right now. Took a trip into Tony's Music Box for a bit, then to the health food store (funny how you start thinking of what you eat when you're under the weather); bought some aloe vera juice to mix with my lemon juice and water. I suppose I could just squeeze the juice out of the aloe plant I have in the house, but not sure if that would work or not, and am not willing to give it a try. I want to try to be healthy, that's what I want. And what I ask the Lord for on a constant basis – my theme for 2009 is "Fit at 50," remember? Drove to the Superstore for some more good stuff. I realize that there may come a time in the not too distant future that I won't be able to go grocery shopping; it's the only shopping that I really like. Oh well, just for a time. The grocery store is a social place, isn't it? I love socials.

Well, I must get some lunch – a healthy lunch. I have so much to organize and plan, but don't feel like doing any of it. I'm tired today; have a headache, my shoulder aches…but this too shall pass. I need to stop complaining, and get on with life. God help me. He will, because I asked Him to.

Furniture Store Blues?

Last evening, we had a family party in a little tiny church in Cloverdale, wherever that is. It's where Aunt Viv lives. She organized it. It was potluck. We had a Yankee Swap, which was fun. I led a game: "Who is the Big Chief?" Then we set up some board games for the kids to play. Pirate cousin Jeff and I got out the guitars and sang for a good hour or more. Country and folk. Until we got tired. I said to Jeff after: "Isn't it strange that the two invalids are entertaining, while the healthy people are sitting in their chairs?" We laughed. We lose ourselves in music; it takes our mind off our situations. I sang opera a couple of times; that sure got the kids' attention – I saw video cameras rolling. Jacob, Aunt Viv's grandson, sang with us on "Folsom Prison," I think it was. He is an entertainer, that boy. You have a gift, my son – use it. My Dad and Uncle Earl and his boys are big on Johnny Cash; me too, having grown up with it. Wasn't Johnny's life something? I'm glad he made his peace with God in the end. He certainly left a legacy of music for us to enjoy. I never thought I'd ever be writing this, either, but hey…we can change – if we have to. Thanks for a great party, everyone. The only regret I have is that my baby sister Janet was not feeling well, and we couldn't hug, for fear I might contract the flu she had. I love my baby sister.

 

This morning was the first morning all by myself, but it didn't last long. No Natalie, no baby Aiden, no RCMP man, no Doug. Just me and Canada AM (good old Seamus O'Regan…) I guess I'm trying to 'ease' myself into being alone. I do know that God is with me – always, until the end of the age. I realize that I do need time alone to pray, read and get some things accomplished, but not today. I took off with sister Brenda and Mom to go furniture shopping for Mom. She bought a new couch, chair and end tables. We tried to get her to buy a new bed (we've been trying to convince her for years to buy a bed larger than a double, but to no avail; even though she never sleeps through the night). Brenda will be back in March, she will try again. I saw a Laz-y-Boy chair I liked; a good chair is hard to come by, as I well know. After 30 years with my old brown chair, how could I get anything other than a Laz-y-Boy? Perhaps I should write the company; maybe they'll give me a discount coupon or something. I received an email from "The Hitchmans," sending their condolences on the passing of the old chair. Thank you; got a good chuckle over that.

I have a rendez-vous with Doug at 3:15 today to look at this possible new chair at Worrall's Furniture – our friendly neighbourhood furniture store. I wonder if they'll give us a discount for free advertising? Worth a try. An anonymous family member is going to contribute towards its purchase, for which we are truly grateful. I never realized the value of a quality chair until one really needs a quality chair – lumbar support, are my legs comfortable, will it put me to sleep, etc. You know, I don't take much for granted anymore. Everything is valuable. Life is valuable.

You know something else? While in the furniture store this morning, I forgot my troubles for awhile (not that I have any troubles). I met Helen, a woman that attends our church, and she told me she was praying for me, and couldn't believe that I played the piano in church the other night. She went through similar surgery seven years ago. The act of searching for furniture was comforting somehow, trying out all the chairs and couches like Goldilocks and the Two Bears would. (Not sure which one of us is Goldlilocks; could be me should my hair come in blonde. Time will tell). So the moral of this story is this: feeling kinda 'blue' and lonely? Check out your nearest furniture store and hang out for awhile.

This afternoon, my sister Brenda and I are going to Willie O'Ree place to walk for awhile. I told Doug we were going to "Willie Wonka" to walk. Yes, chocolate would be nice right now, wouldn't it? Perhaps I'll stop and get some chocolate for our walk. Chocolate in my pocket. Build up the serotonin in my brain while the exercise builds up the endorphins. Life is good; that's what the ad says, anyway. I've got to get going on my exercise and eating program to build up my immunity before chemo. After meeting with Dr. Oncology next Tuesday, I should know the date for chemo to commence.

I received a WillowTree ' Courage angel in the mail today from W. M. The Courage angel stands with her hands way up in the air – victory. She looks like she is also doing the exercises I am to do for recovery from this surgery, so she is an inspiration. I'm really getting to love angels lately. They are ministering spirits sent to those who receive salvation, you know. In her card, W. told me that I'm the 'most courageous girl' she knows. I'm always touched when people tell me that, because I don't feel courageous. But if people think I am, I guess I am. Thanks, W., and everyone who tells me that.

The Old Brown Lazy Chair

The old brown lazy chair that held the 'Fox' (me) and the Mac (Doug), and hundreds of people over the years has now been put to rest. This day, Saturday, Dec. 27^th it was removed from our home. It is now in the back of the van awaiting its demise. Doug thinks he is going to get warranty on it, as Laz-y-Boy has a lifetime guarantee on the under carriage. Right, Doug. I'm sure there is a 30 year warranty on a chair. Look out Worrall's Furniture, here we come, but you were closed today. I did an exit interview: Son Jon said, "I feel like a part of me is missing." Doug said, "I feel the same as I did yesterday; it's just a chair." Daughter-in-law Alicia said, "I miss the breastfeeding chair." I agreed. "I do, too. And I miss the breast surgery healing chair." So go to your rest, brown chair, knowing that you served us well. Thank you for the memories.

Is this Saturday? I have lost all sense of time. I kept asking people all day what day of the week it was. I guess that's what happens during the 'holidays.'

We had our Christmas dinner at my parents' house today. It was good to be home again and enjoy the family. My sister Janet and family couldn't make it due to sickness, so it wasn't the same without them. We played a very long game of dominoes this evening; I did not fare well, coming in 4^th out of 5^th. My sister Brenda won because she's from away, I say. (She used to be from Newfoundland but now hails from Nova Scotia).

Natalie and Josh made it home to The Pas, Manitoba without event. Our prayers were answered. She is getting groceries tonight; probably not too much in the house after seven weeks away. Right now it seems like she's just out for the evening; the reality of her not being here probably won't hit me until next week. It will be different around here, but I will SURVIVE. In more ways than one. I have much to do next week to get prepared for what will happen in January. I hope I can get organized; I definitely need a secretary. Perhaps I'll make a list and check it twice. Lists work as long as you remember where you put them.

Christmas Day was a day of mixed emotions for me. We enjoyed a great brunch after opening gifts, followed by a cup of tea and a 'snack' a few hours later. A family picture was accomplished with ease, an amazing feat in itself, and Doug was able to figure out the timer on the camera. As we lounged around with one another, I became aware that Natalie, Josh & Aiden were leaving on Boxing Day and had a bit of a breakdown. The reality of it hit me. I went into the kitchen to cry; Jon hugged me; Alicia cried with me, Natalie loved on me… I know there is no shame in tears. Afton even held me; she is almost 4 years old. The compassion of these grandchildren is an enigma to me, but comforting anyhow -- we usually comfort the children, but the children now comfort me. I had to go upstairs and pull myself together, fold some laundry and pray for peace again. Everyone left us to go to various places, and we were alone for a bit. I lay down on the floor and had a nap while Doug watched a movie. Sometimes sleep helps, you know; helps you regain perspective and new physical strength.

I was grieving again – for my beloved daughter and baby Aiden, who have been with me pretty well non-stop since Nov. 14^th. She will never know how they have helped me cope; even though I try and tell her in words how she has helped me, my spirit cannot speak what is inside. Natalie, you are a tender woman of God, a 'workhorse,' (I call her that because of her work ethic), an awesome mother and wife, a beloved daughter. We cannot thank you enough for coming to us. And thank you, RCMP man, for allowing her to come, and for joining her (and for all those late nights watching our favorite sitcom; I'll miss that. I'm sitting in the lazy chair you broke right now, just for old time's sake).

At 6 pm Doug & I went to Doris & Laurie's for a delectable Christmas dinner. Doris, you out did yourself again, and it was just like the old days when I sat at your table and ate your food. Thanks for the fiddleheads and for the many dessert choices you made available to us. Of course, my choice was rice pudding. How did you know I liked rice pudding Have I told you before? Their daughter Michele & new son-in-law Eric (a.k.a. Mysterio Man), and daughter Jill were at table as well. Mysterio, you're a hoot and I love your twilight hair. It looks good on you. Thanks for the evening, though short, it was great.

Jon & Alicia and Josh & Nat came home from their respective places and three of us played Speed Monopoly while Natalie packed. If you've ever played Speed Monopoly, you cannot go back to slow monopoly – Jon won, of course. RCMP man said it was more stressful than being a policeman, just to give you an indication of the intensity of the game. Then we all played "Catch Phrase" and laughed hilariously til after midnight. I love our family; we love to have fun.

Boxing Day – no boxing going on here, just lots of mess and children everywhere again. After breakfast, I picked up Aiden, Alicia picked up Ivy, Afton tried to pick up Jack, Natalie picked up the camera and I turned on "Dancing Queen," and we danced, with Jon dancing in and out of the video. When I figure out how to download it, perhaps I will put it on the blog. I needed hilarity and know that when I dance I laugh. When you know you're going to face hard things, I'm learning how to dance (and of course, pray always).

Doug and I took off to the emergency room to wait for Dr. Bryden to drain my wound for the third time. She drained 90 ccs again and applied a pressure bandage that I need to keep on for a few days. In a week she will determine whether she has to drain it again. This has been quite a process. I'm still the English patient, dealing with healing wounds. Our children and their children went to their respective places, and Doug and I went to my parents after the hospital visit. I tried to have a nap on the couch, but alas…. Then to the airport to see Nat, Josh & Aiden off – their long trek back to The Pas, Manitoba has begun (six hours' drive north of Winnipeg). Many more tears, hugs and smiles, see you laters, thank you, I love you, you don't know how special it was to have you here, kisses for Baby Aiden, hugs for Josh, a final teary hug "I'm going to be all better when you come back, Nat…", waving through the window, kisses, and on to the plane they go. More tears in the van – must get control and go on, thank you Lord, for sending them here. I appreciate it so much – she took seven weeks out of her life to come and tend to me. Children are a blessing from God, I know that. And now that they are married, we have extra children and now grandchildren who also bless us.

Went back to Mom & Dad's where my sister Brenda and Mom tended to me, comforted me and made me lie down by the fire, covering me with a blanket. Brenda sat beside me and we played with her new camera. I played with nephew Aaron's I-Pod touch. He downloaded my blog on to it; how precious, Aaron. Tried to post a blog on it, but need smaller fingers for that. We then went over to Doris and Laurie's again to unwrap presents, have a cup of tea, piece of pie and rice pudding. A bit of deep discussion on purpose, mortality and 'going through' stuff. More tears. Everything certainly looks different now. You really examine your life and your life purpose when you are in this place. I think I need to have time to rest and regroup. Talking helps, though, but nothing makes sense, and I have no answers.

You know, my intention tonight was to only post the Christmas Day family picture, but my fingers did something completely different. I usually proof my work, but not tonight; it's good enough. There you have it.

So This is Christmas

So this is Christmas morning – 12:02 a.m. when I’m starting to blog. Just took a banana bread out of the oven; I want to serve it at Christmas brunch today. I made one yesterday, but alas, Josh & Doug were around, so decided to make one late enough tonight that they would be asleep before it came out of the oven. Hard to keep food in the house with two hungry men around. The tree is silent, ready for morning, with the presents lying quietly, resting before the storm – the storm of paper that will occur in a few hours. This is Baby Aiden’s first Christmas and he will celebrate it here with us; how blessed we are. Baby Ivy’s first Christmas as well, and she will come with her siblings and parents in just a few short hours, along with our parents. An extreme house full again for a few short hours, and I love it.

The past couple of days have been a whirlwind of activity. Chest x-ray, physio, a funeral for Duane White’s father (Janet White #1 gave the eulogy), a party at C & W’s house next door, where we met their cool friends and I played the guitar and sang the oldies with W, Mary (she loves to sing) and Janet White #2. Met G, who is a beautiful friend of C’s and a gift-giver. Don’t you love the gift-givers? I need to be more of one. I’m learning much in this journey.

Today I drove for the first time since my surgery. Leave it to me to pick a snowy day to drive. I drove the van so I wouldn’t have to shift. Josh, Natalie, Aiden and I drove up to Bristol to see Jon & Alicia’s house and visit with them for a couple of hours, drove back down and went to the Christmas Eve service at our church. I didn’t have a chance to get back home to change into Christmas Eve clothes and ended up playing the beautiful grand piano in my jeans, wrinkled blouse and winter boots. Never did that before. Talk about laying down the ol’ pride. Having to do a lot of that these days. No one seemed to mind; at least they never told me if they did. They just loved on me. Felt good to play, but was rather tired from the day’s travel.

When we finally arrived home at 8:30, I was greeted with many packages and gifts at our door – thank you, all. You are so generous to us.

I ask for your continued prayers for this coming year, as I struggle with the fact I have to have chemo and radiation. I wish I didn’t have to. I wish I could turn around and go the other way. I cried a few times today. I wish Natalie & Josh and Aiden could live here with me, or at least in the city, but in one day we have to say good-bye. This makes me sad. I am thankful that they were able to be here. We have quite a daughter – she has sacrificed much to be here. I love her more than my life. God bless you, Nat. Thank you, Josh, for allowing her to come and stay with me so long. And Aiden – I love you immensely and intensely. You are my little man, a treasure that lights up my heart every time I look at you. Don’t forget Gram Deb, OK?

Pray that I have no fear – it raises its ugly head every day and I have to push it back into its box. I pray until I get peace. Pray that there be no cancer anywhere else in my body, as I complete the x-rays and scans ahead. My meeting with the oncologist is January 6/09. Pray that I am ready mentally and physically to walk in there, head held high without fear, just a sense of God with me, Emmanuel. Thank you, Emmanuel. You are here, Hallelujah. I pray that my ‘war’ will soon be over. This tune from John Lennon has been going around in my head the past few days, so I guess I’m supposed to post it (with guitar chords included in case you want to play it). Merry Christmas everyone, and to all a good night. Deb x0


So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

/ D - / Em - / A7 - / D - / G - / Am - / D - / G - /

{Refrain}
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

/ C - / Dm - / Am C / G A7 /

And so this is Christmas War is over
For weak and for strong If you want it
For rich and the poor ones War is over
The road is so long Now
And so happy Christmas War is over
For black and for white If you want it
For yellow and red ones War is over
Let's stop all the fight Now

{Refrain}

And so this is Christmas War is over
And what have we done If you want it
Another year over War is over
And a new one just begun Now
And so happy Christmas War is over
I hope you have fun If you want it
The near and the dear one War is over
The old and the young Now

{Refrain}

War is over if you want it
War is over now

ARTIST: John Lennon and Yoko Ono
TITLE: Happy Christmas (War Is Over)
Lyrics and Chords

YouTube - (Britain's Got Talent ) Paul Potts' 1st Audition

YouTube - (Britain's Got Talent ) Paul Potts' 1st Audition

This video was sent to me by M., the Flick Flack girls' mom.... made me cry this Christmas Eve day, and that all things are possible to those who believe.

What a Weekend

This weekend has been full of activity, and that's an understatement. I've taken this day to recover from all the excitement, and what a great day to do so – we're snowed in! Don't you love being snowed in? It brings back the good ol' days of school cancellations, sleeping in and making tunnels in the snow. Anyway, back to the weekend: Jonathan & Alicia and their kids, Afton, Jack & Ivy; and Josh, Natalie and Aiden; and Doug and Deb – all living and sleeping in this little house. Once again, I felt like the old woman in the shoe who had so many children she didn't know what to do. Toys underfoot in every room, food and dishes everywhere, blankets, babies crawling, trucks roaring, colouring books, childrens' books, gifts under the tree, tree twinkling, furniture moved out of place on a constant basis, people sleeping everywhere – complete mayhem, and I love it. And friends visiting. Who could ask for anything more? It feels like Christmas, and I forgot my situation several times again this weekend. Oh, how I wish this process could just be over now, and that when the new year begins that I could go back to my normal life. Big sigh….stay in the moment, Deb… I had many good moments this weekend.

Saturday:

• Went to Mens' breakfast at church with Doug (wives were invited). This was my first appearance at the church. It was good to be there and be with our church friends, who are so kind to us. We are still overwhelmed and grateful that God placed us there to be loved. I had the energy to play a few Christmas carols on the piano while Marilyn played the organ. Felt good; I surprised myself that I could focus on the notes.
  
• Ch. and K. (Ch's daughter) came from Saint John. Taught K. how to make a 3-D snowflake; she took it home. K. treated me to a piano recital and we sang together. Ch. presented me with my own red tam to wear and throw in the air like Mary Tyler Moore. I wear it every day. Natalie wore it all last evening, and Aiden wore it for a photo shoot today.
  
• The OT director arrived with a project for Doug – "Plug in the outdoor tree lights on the tree that has been moved SIX times since I brought it here three weeks ago OR I will put it up for auction on the blog, complete with a block of ice for it to stand in." Plug it in, plug it in. Doug plugged it in, and I finally get to enjoy its lit-up beauty outside my window. Good job, Doug – kudos for you; you're getting a high mark on your Christmas spirit test this year.
  
• Made supper for the grandchildren while J & A, J & N got dressed up for an 80's party they were going to. I've attached a picture. Enough said.

  
  
   

• We kept Afton, Jack & Aiden while they went to the party (took Ivy with them). No problem to keep three kids. "That was easy," is our theme these days. We even have an easy button to push when we accomplish things. Keeping children is easy, considering what we've gone through lately. I push the easy button a lot, especially after hard things, to remind me that I got through them, and have a quick laugh. The Lord helps me and can make things easy.
  
• While reading to Afton and Jack up in the bedroom, the doorbell rang. I came down to find the living room filled with the "Dig It" girls (the teen Sunday School class I teach with Debby P.) and Patrick, our pastor. They came bearing a huge basket of gifts for me. I was so surprised. And the gifts. Wow. You shouldn't have, really. Of course, I invited the Dig It girls to join me in dancing to ABBA's "Dancing Queen," and we got it on video. Sorry, Patrick, please bear with me. I love to dance, have I said that? Then we did some improv drama. I'm a drama queen, too, just like Reb., who had a Drama Queen sweatshirt on for the occasion.
  
  During all this hullaballoo, Afton crept downstairs and I discovered her peeking through the glass doors; she wanted to join the party. "Ok, come on in," I relented. I have a soft heart for my babies. She's a girl, too, albeit a bit younger, and she loves to dance and act like her Gram Deb. She really thinks she is a princess. Actually, she is, just like her Princess Mac grandmother.
  
• The DIG IT girls presented me with a prayer shawl made by Judy Q., made especially for me, and donated by the "Tea and Talk" ladies at the church. Thank you, Judy and Tea & Talk women. It is beautiful and I absolutely love it. We draped ourselves with it and the OT director took a picture. It is blue, white and purple, my colours. I draped the shawl around me and they prayed for me. I'll take all the prayer I can get. Once again, I felt blessed and so thankful. The DIG IT class capped off the day.
  
  I was so excited that I couldn't go to bed and stayed up until the 80's crowd came home.
  

Sunday's Events:

• Only Doug could actually get up to go to church. The rest of us stayed home and spent the morning playing with the children in the topsy turvy house.
  
• My children worked on a secret project on the computer most of the day, trying to keep it from me, but I know what they're doing – making me a calendar of our precious grandchildren. I wasn't born yesterday, you know.
  
• RCMP man broke the lazy brown healing chair this morning. Well, he was the camel that broke the chair's back, so to speak. And according to Doug, it's not an old chair, it's only 30 years old. Now Josh is not heavy, he's just long. He got up from the chair and a spring sprung underneath. He turned the chair over and it is definitely in serious shape. Doug, of course, thinks it's fine and is now sitting in it, because no longer is it a healing chair for Deb, but a break-her-back chair.
  
• I made two dozen muffins and warmed up Isabel M.'s soup for lunch to feed the hungry crowd. Felt good to prepare food; I love to cook and bake and serve. And putter around in the kitchen being creative.
  
• Famous Quote #1: Afton (3) said, "Papa (Doug), Gram Deb told me that you're blind because you can't see anything when you open the cuvards. Hee hee." (cupboards). Oops! I didn't know she was going to tell Doug this secret.
  
• Famous Quote #2: Jack (2) said: "Gram Deb, I'm waiting for my food," after sitting in his high chair for about ½ hour while waiting for me to finish preparing his meal. He said it like Charlie Brown would say it – very calm and without any expression. I always loved Charlie Brown, and now I have my own Charlie Brown.
  
• A. & A. & Joey (7) came to visit. Joey bonded with Jack and he pushed him 'round and 'round the house on his little car.
  
• L. & M. came to see us. Brought us the movie, Rudy, a football movie. I love football, or have I mentioned this? Pushing through the enemy line to score a touchdown, a team effort. Can't play football all by yourself.
  
• The Chiasson-Budaker girls came, accompanied by mother M. I teach K. the guitar, but her sisters like to come with her sometimes. I told K. that she has until June to write me a song, perform it for me, and sister O. will do Tae-Kwon Do moves to it, and sister G. will do gymnastic moves. Mother M. will be the videographer. I nicknamed them the "Flick-Flack" girls. The Flick Flacks then performed Silent Night for me in our two official languages. Beautiful – keep singing, girls, and I look forward to seeing what you perform for me in the new year.
  
• A. M. came as our last visitor of the day. She bonded with baby Aiden and was a blessing to us in more ways than one.
  
• The snow started falling on pines again, and I sat and watched it coming down the whole evening while watching a funny Christmas movie. Oh, it feels so good to laugh. I hope I can always laugh and make others laugh. Doug and Natalie are not nighthawks like me and RCMP man, so they went up to their respective beds. Me and police man watched a few episodes of our favorite sitcom on DVD and laughed hilariously.
  

Today:

A quiet day – no school today; no work, either. Natalie vacuumed the house; we did laundry. I basically recovered from the weekend, read and played with Aiden, and enjoyed being snowed in. Els sent me this quote from Max Lucado, which I took to heart:

When you are confused about the future, go to your Jehovah-raah, your caring shepherd. When you are anxious about provision, talk to Jehovah-jireh, the Lord who provides. Are your challenges too great? Seek the help of Jehovah-shalom, the Lord is peace. Is your body sick? Are your emotions weak? Jehovah-rophe, the Lord who heals you, will see you now. Do you feel like a soldier stranded behind enemy lines? Take refuge in Jehovah-nissi, the Lord my banner.

I can identify with all these things, Max. Isn't it great that God is our ALL in ALL?

There you have it – three great days. Thanks be to God.

Sunday, December 21 is the first day of winter. It is also the first anniversary of my good friend's death a year ago today. My good friend Janet White #1, lost her husband to cancer a year ago today. Our prayers are with her as she mourns her beloved husband, Duane.