Sunday 8 February 2009

Saturday morning's posting was a bit of a downer, I know, but that's how I was feeling. After I wrote that I needed to get on with life and quit complaining a bit about the situation I find myself in, things began to change. God began to light up my day and my weekend. Everything is a process, and one has to process the 'stuff' that happens in order to get through it. I'm in the process of processing. I've come to this conclusion: that God knows what I'm going through and that when I am discouraged and frustrated, He sends encouragement, almost immediately. Let me tell you how.

I went to the Bible to read about being pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed. I read about the Apostle Paul's struggles and how sometimes he was barely able to bear up under the strain of trouble and infirmity. And how God comforted him and enabled him to comfort others with the comfort he received. OK, I understand, I thought, I know this stuff, but now I'm living it. I studied for a couple of hours on Saturday morning, feeling my spirit rise within me, as God ministered to me.

A knock at the door – W. arrived with gluten-free cookies from the market. A sweet blessing. My sister Brenda arrived to redecorate my kitchen and be with me. A phone call. K. said, "Can I stop by for a second? I have a flower for you." I remarked to sister, "See, God knows what I need; He's sending her with a flower to encourage me." When she arrived, she presented me with a peach rose and a card. I read what was on the card: "To My Rose of Sharon" "Love, Your Beloved." This has special meaning to me, and the depth of the words went straight to my heart. I wept in the kitchen in front of K. and Brenda, as I realized that Jesus loves me. K. left me with a letter she had written a week ago about embracing the cancer and becoming closer to God through this. As I've gone through the weekend, I'm more convinced that her word to me is correct. Thanks, K. for being obedient and coming to see me when you did.

Sid, our 91-year-old neighbour, came over and sat in the kitchen for awhile, watching Brenda work and me perusing life. Then Brenda and I went to his home and visited briefly. It's a terrible thing to be lonely. We're glad he came. We're glad we visited him. We even helped him with his crossword puzzle, which he does faithfully every day. He has a purpose – some nights he says he forgets what he's doing, he's so engrossed in the puzzle. Brenda and I decided that we need to be more aware of our senior population.

We Skyped Natalie and Aiden and Nat showed us around her house in The Pas, Manitoba. The wonders of technology. I miss her so. And that baby! He is now 10 ½ months old.

Mom prepared a beautiful dinner for us. I requested chicken, baked potatoes, green beans and fiddleheads, and she came through with flying colours. After dinner, Dad found the crokinole table and we had a rowdy tournament. I haven't played this game for years. Brenda figured it helped with her curling – the game, not her hair. The night before, we had played dominoes and I won. I never win dominoes. The colours of the dominoes tended to bother me, however. Chemo seems to make everything sensitive – colours, food tastes, noises. Today when I was watching football, I found it distasteful as it seemed as if the colours didn't match.

Last night I slept much better and awoke this morning thanking God for sleep. Doug and I watched a couple of inspirational videos that really buoyed my spirits. Brenda arrived again: "I'm going to cook dinner tonight." She prepared all day for this gourmet meal. She is a wonderful cook. Greek salad, meatballs, jasmine coconut rice, topped off with cherry pie and frozen cappuccino. Mom and Dad joined us once again.

This afternoon we had many visitors, bearing gifts, plants and oranges. I love oranges of late. My youngest sister, Janet and her daughter, Kirsten traveled from afar. It was good to have both sisters in my kitchen. Even a couple of women on their way home from the Green Hill Ladies' Retreat arrived to see me. They told me that the women prayed for me this weekend. I heard through the grapevine that Q. was instrumental in that (see Q's picture at the bottom of the blog). I feel so blessed to have received their prayers. Thank you. I haven't missed a winter women's retreat for years until now. God surrounded me with the care of His people this weekend. He showed me His love and His tender care.

The peach rose looks out my front window, a gift of hope from a God who loves me and knows my name, my pain, my fears, and my every thought. There are no surprises for Him. He has already gone ahead of me and knows where the finish line is. He knows that I'm going to cross it. It's just a matter of time.

1 comment:

Linda said...

Bless you, dear one, for inviting us so openly into your journey - not only does it help you in the process, Deb, it helps us to walk beside you. It is good to be invited into your journey - THANK YOU! - even on the downer days, and especially on the downer days. On those days, we know we must be more intentional, more diligent in our prayer cover over you! It blessed my heart to know that on your downer day you turned to God and His Word and through that, He ministered to you - He came through for you - He always does. Forever faithful is He. He is always there and all we need do is turn to Him - we need to be always turning to Him. As Pastor Karl said yesterday, God responds, without hesitation, even to our slightest flinch.

Keeping the prayer cover over you, Deb, with forever love,
Lin :-) oxo